WHY AM I FAT?

I got fat as a protective mechanism.  Nothing bad happened to cause it.  I just subconsciously put 2 and 2 together and made 87.  I got fat and stayed single for about 18 years before I realised what was going on and saw a therapist.  I sabotaged all my relationships and weight loss efforts while firmly believing I wanted to be slim and part of a couple!

Now I am fat because of 18+ years of bad habits.

 

The long answer is below.

 

A few unrelated background facts:

• I was a slim child and teenager (other than a year of puppy fat age 11/12).  When I was 14/15 my sister got anorexia.  So even though I was a healthy weight I started to feel fat.
• My parents had an unhappy marriage.  They were fabulous parents, but not a great couple.  Dad and many of his friends were unfaithful and it was pretty obvious to everyone but Mum.  She was a bit of an ostrich about it - coming home from Friday's work on Saturday morning really should be a warning sign!
• I got dumped by my boyfriend at age 16. 
• Studying for final exams at ages 17/18 I started to put on a bit of weight.

 

The result:

 

Subconsciously I came to some conclusions based on logic that would not hold up to even casual examination.  Sadly being subconscious it was many years before I realised there were conclusions to question!

Chocolate consumption = Fat

Fat = single

Single = safe from hurt

 

Over the next 16-18 years I tried numerous diets.  I even got to goal once (WW in 1997/98 in the UK).  I lost weight accidentally several times.

Over the next 16-18 years I had two 'end date' relationships that began when either me or the guy was leaving the country at a known date, but mainly I stayed single.  I had flings.  I had dates.  I tried everything to meet "Mr Right" from flirting workshops, speed dating, going out several nights a week to pubs etc etc. 

 

When I lost weight I put it back on.  Every time.  If it was 'accidental' I put it back as soon as I became aware of the loss.  If it was intentional I put it back as soon as people started noticing.  Always subconsciously.

 

When I dated someone or someone talked to me at a pub I ended things.  Quickly.  With a variety of feeble excuses.

 

The Discovery:

 

It was not until I was about 34 that I was made aware of what I was doing.  I was reading the AJ Rochester book "Confessions of a Reformed Dieter" when I made the connection "Fat= Safe".   From there I got a bit stuck so went to see a therapist.  We unravelled my faulty logic and identified most of my sabotaging beliefs and associated behaviours.

 

The Result:

 

I had a 6 month relationship and got much better at letting guys talk to me in bars!

Then I met my DH and I am sure you all know that story!  I am now a very happily married woman.

 

My weight?  Well it is just bad habit that has me still obese.  WW will cure that I believe!  The reasons for getting this way are all gone.