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"You can have the results you say you want, or you can have all the reasons in the world why you can’t have them. But you can’t have both. Reasons or results. You get to choose."


Susan Carlson

Thursday, December 23, 2010

2011...

In 2011 I am going to fix my hip.


Then I am going to start walking.


Then I am going to do the C25K.


Then I am going to do fun runs.


Then I am going to run further and faster.


In 2013 (possibly 2012 I will walk it) I am going to run the 14.2km 'run for the kids' fun run in Melbourne.


And while I do all that I will be losing weight!

Monday, December 13, 2010

2011??

I was just asked by my psychologist what my goals were for 2011.
Not something I had thought about really!  So using my ‘wheel of life’ categories, here goes with where I would like to be by the end of 2011:
Career
My goal for 2011 is to decide where I want to go with my career and have an idea of how to get there
Money
Extend mortgage "buffer" to 6 months (3 months living)
Home
Finish back yard
Replace dishwasher
Relationships
Be able to have more weekends away with Ian
Health
Lose 14kg to be in ‘overweight’ BMI range
Learning
Spend more time painting
Do some online study
Friends
Spend time with friends who make me feel good
Family
Spend time with family
Let go more from organizational and fixing role within the family
Me!
Keep increasing confidence
Define who I am and want to be more clearly (artist, runner?)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I am still around...

I know I have been MIA again.
It is just that I am really fed up with myself writing my latest ‘plan’ and never following through.

So firstly what have I managed since I last blogged:
I have done 95% of the shopping for my new wardrobe.  It has been such a worthwhile exercise.  By spending time doing research about both what suits me and about ‘capsule wardrobes’ (Gok Wan style where the ‘capsule’ is all you need, not a starting point) I was able to go shopping with a clear plan of exactly what I wanted to buy.  By getting everything in 2 days of shopping I was able to ensure it all mixes and matches.  By knowing what shapes to buy shopping was more efficient and there is nothing that will now lurk, unloved, at the back of my wardrobe.

Shopping for and wearing clothes that flatter my apple shape has given me confidence that I can look good at any size.  Being able to go to my wardrobe and select from a range of items that make me look and feel good boosts that confidence further.

Being confident and no longer hating my body shape makes it easier to be nice to myself.
Knowing that I can dress in clothes that look good on my obese body makes me excited about the options as my body gets smaller.  I effectively shop in 3 department stores and 1 specialty plus size store.  Imagine when I can wear clothes from nearly every store??  That excites and motivates me.

In case you are wondering about what I had on my list to get me through the summer:
  • 4 ‘smart’ skirts
  • 4 ‘smart’ tops
  • 1 casual skirt
  • 1 casual pair of shorts
  • 2 casual tops
  • 1 ‘smart’ dress
  • 1 jacket

I already had 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of ¾ length white trousers and 1 casual dress which worked with my shape.
I did also purchase some ‘shape wear’ to assist in smoothing my curves under some of the new clothes.
Everything is mix and match so the ‘smart’ and ‘casual’ can cross over and cover most occasions.

What else have I done:
  • I listened to my hypnotherapy CD
  • I dealt with my Dad being hospitalised with a chronic infection and 0.00 white blood cells (he is home again now with a count of 1.0 and rising).  He should be well enough to resume chemotherapy on Monday.
  • I am dealing with lots of uncertainty at work.  Management have declared a 6.5 week forced leave period for all contractors (yep, that’s me) from Dec 13th.  This would make it really hard financially.  We are waiting to hear (Monday hopefully) if my team are exempt.  On top of that I have been offered a chance to move into a very different role on the project, this could be my way out of software testing.  They will teach me about this other area.  Best case: I love it and a new career path is born.  Worst case: I hate it and go back to test management.  No need to guess that I said I was interested.  It may not come about, but hopefully it will.  It does add to the uncertainty in the meantime though.
  • Agreed with my manager to start and finish early 2 days a week so I can spend time with my DH who is on a very different work roster to me.  Some nights he goes to bed within 30 minutes of me arriving home!


What I am going to do:
  • Switch my core work to evenings.  After the initial delight in my becoming a ‘morning person’ it seems to have worn off!  I am also getting to work earlier so I can leave early which has an impact to my morning plans.  But basically I have done pretty much zero morning exercise in weeks.  Time to change to evenings.
  • Document my food intake.  I just thought – there may be an android application I can use to do that on my phone…  although I prefer not to track calories or points etc so I will really just be looking for some sort of daily list/diary…


So in a marathon update, that is what I have and will be up to.

As usual I am writing this at work, in a word document to minimise my web time in the office, so won’t get to read your blogs.  Maybe this weekend.

Monday, November 8, 2010

November already?

It feels longer than 11 days since I last posted.
I have not moved on with my wardrobe makeover yet.  Having MIL here means lots of activity in my free time.  But she goes home Friday so I will try to get it done over the next few weeks – along with my Christmas shopping.
We got bad news in regards to my Dad’s cancer last week.  The SIRT treatment has not worked.  On the plus side he has no new metastases to date.  But the liver met the SIRT was focussed on has grown.   Tomorrow he starts chemotherapy again which is the only option remaining.  The surgeon did say to him that it was only a matter of time before the cancer spread as it is pushing against a vein in his liver.  The additional down side of the chemo is that the PIC line that is inserted means no more playing cricket.  He loves playing: my brother and 2 of his step sons play with him and they all have a wonderful time.
And to top it all off, I fell apart at work Friday.  I was speaking to my step mum and she had lots she needed to say while she didn’t feel a need to be ‘strong’ in front of Dad.  We both ended up crying, but after the call ended my tears didn’t!  I ended up being sent home in a taxi (with a cab charge) by my boss.  I spent time at the beach and then with my mother and nephew.  I logged back into work about 4 hours after I left.  I did feel better for getting it out of my system… but I now have quite a few colleagues tiptoeing around me!
With regards to weight loss I have barely given it a thought. 
Oh well.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

My personal makeover

When I eat ‘naturally’ (ie not focusing on weight loss) I tend to lose weight.
But confidence plays a big part in that process.  I have to not second guess myself.  I have to feel good about myself.
In the past exercise has given me confidence, but with my hip that has not been an option.
Confidence for me comes from many sources, but lasting confidence is mostly from doing things I have not done before.
This year I took my first (and second) beginners painting class.  I am 40 and for the first time ever I have been described as artistic!  I am even starting to think of myself that way.  My confidence to try new things has skyrocketed as a result.  I knew I would enjoy painting.  I did not think I would have skill J
Earlier last year I began a process of improving my ‘style’.  It started with accessories.  I noticed how ‘put together’ my Mum always looks with a few simple accessories.  So I got myself some.  And felt better about how I looked.
Then I went to a ‘stylist’ party where I was told 3 of the 4 items I had with me for assessment did not flatter my shape.  That was followed by a 1hour shopping trip with the same stylist.  I returned most of what I purchased, but I was able to feel comfortable buying skirts and tops to wear for work in winter.  I even managed a fairly good outfit to wear to me Dad’s 60th party (again in winter!).
I removed most of the unflattering items from my wardrobe.
But then the weather warmed up!  I researched stylists with the idea of shopping with one for my summer wardrobe.  I applied for a Trinny and Susannah makeover.  I devoured Gok Wan programs.
I didn’t get the T&S makeover.
I spent the stylist money on stuff for the house (like paint!)
So it came down to me.
So I researched more.
I confirmed that I am an apple shape.  My measurements say I am ‘straight’ but I am just not!
I found some great sites.
I window shopped and tried on a few bits and pieces.
I reviewed the items in a Gok Wan capsule wardrobe.
I reviewed what I needed for a summer wardrobe and decided on the number and type of clothing I need (shoes and accessories I will do last).
While seeing if a maxi dress plus ‘pull me in’ underwear worked (maxi dress alone = 8 months pregnant) I fell in love with one on special that fit one of my key piece needs.  I purchased the first item in my new capsule wardrobe!
Next steps include a careful review of my current wardrobe for anything that fits into my capsule requirements.  Everything else will be set aside and hopefully given to charity once I complete my new purchases.  And of course the purchase of the rest of the wardrobe.
Skirts, jeans and dresses I am comfortable with knowing the best basic shape(s) for me.  Shorts and tops I need more research on.  Shorts I have an idea for but need to find and try on some pairs to confirm.
So thanks to the internet, my family and many hours of makeover TV, I think in the next few weeks I will start to have confidence that I am wearing clothes that suit me.
And that confidence I believe will lead to me eating less 'comfort' food.
I am looking forward to that!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

79.5

79.5
That is my next goal
That is 10% from my latest ‘low’ weight
That is my lowest weight for 12 years
That is a BMI of 30.7 (almost overweight instead of obese)
That is about 2 sizes smaller than I am now
That is shopping for tops in ‘normal’ shops
That is a lot less weight for my hip to bear
That is possibly running again
That is pride in my achievements
That is comfort in my own skin

Discoveries since I last blogged:
  • Feeling fabulous in the mornings may have been a combination of Concerta and reduced milk proteins.  I started eating chocolate again and I have gone back to struggling to get up in the morning.  Not as much as I used to, but not as good as the first week.
  • I lose weight when I stop eating chocolate.  I stop losing weight when I eat chocolate.
  • Action instead of words only works when you take action.  Action is the key.  Words are irrelevant.  
    • Reduce chocolate
    • Floor work daily
    • Listen to hypno CD
  • Simple actions.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Blogging break

Hi,

Just to let you know I am having a short blogging break.

Work etc really crazy.

Will be back soon!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Thursday odds and ends

My week has been pretty good.

Flooring purchased Sunday has been delivered. 

Wall in family room has been painted by DH. 

Another coat of paint on the bed frame has still not covered the primer so a 4th, heavier, coat will 
be applied on the weekend.


We have tickets (Mum and I) to see the grand final take II on Saturday.

Hormones influenced some of yesterdays eating choices. 

I saw my physio again and she did some ‘dry needling’ to release tension in my neck, shoulders and hip.  I am still doing a combination of floor work, yoga and stretching each morning.  She is also going to get me some supportive inner soles to wear in my trainers.

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I applied for a TV makeover program… well I have been asked to come along to a ‘group audition’.  That will be in 2 weeks… should be great fun even if I don’t get through to the next stage!

Work slightly less mad this week.  Hope it lasts!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Weekend wrap up

I have had a great weekend!

I worked late Friday and then DH took me to dinner before I went home.  We went to my favourite Vietnamese restaurant.

Saturday was the AFL Grand Final and my team (St Kilda Saints) was playing.  Mum and I headed to the game, very excited!  Got plenty of exercise as our seats were very high with a lot of stairs to get there (drinks and bathroom trips required going down and back up again)!
And after an emotional roller coaster of a game… it was a draw!  One of the many ways AFL is unique is that a grand final draw requires a rematch the following week.  So Mum and I will be back there next Saturday (and yes, we have had to purchase new tickets, but they are not as high this time!).  There has only been 3 draws in AFL/VFL grand final history.  So it was special… but also really frustrating and expensive!
You can see some of the photos of the day here.

Sunday was a gorgeous spring day, sunshine and mild temperatures.  We headed out to Bunnings (a large Australian hardware store) to look at the price of carpet.  We are planning on making our mark on our very bland house and have spent the past few weekends deciding on paint colours and getting sample pots.  The blue carpet in the lounge really didn’t fit our schemes, and the wood flooring we wanted was more than we could afford right now.  We were happy to be patient and look at alternatives.  We had other rooms to ‘do’ in the meantime.  Anyway… Bunnings had gorgeous solid oak flooring on sale for half price as it was no longer being stocked!  And they had enough for our room!  It will be delivered Tuesday but we are still deciding if we should get it professionally laid.  If we do it ourselves it will be a while away as our weekends are pretty full for the next few months!
Sunday afternoon saw me painting the iron bed that is in our spare room.  I have sprayed on 3 coats (1 of primer, 2 of paint) so far, but will need another.  It is quite amazing how much my arm aches after holding the spray can nozzle for that many coats!  My MIL arrives in less than 2 weeks and I want her room to be great when she does.  Last year we had only been in the house a month and while she was perfectly happy, I want her room to be more special this time.  She stays 5 weeks each year so it is important to me that she has a lovely place to sleep.  Nobody else uses that room as it has a king single and most guests prefer the queen in the other spare room.  I have also done a painting for her room and will ensure she has things to make her stay comfortable.  I am completely aware that I am doing this because it makes me feel good to make my MIL feel special!  She would be happy sleeping anywhere.

Once more this morning I was up at 6 with no issues.  My husband is still in shock at this new me!  To be honest so am I!  I did core, yoga and stretching today.  I plan to do push-ups, sit-ups, yoga and stretching tomorrow.  I have to confess that today I read the last of Stephen King’s “Under the Dome” instead of doing my makeup and getting the earlier train…  I was too tired to keep reading last night… but I did make sure I exercised first this morning!

I am happy to report a new lowest weight for 2010, although when I posted it on my page I noticed I have lost a mere 0.5kg in 3 months!  Better than a gain and I think my reduced dairy diet will speed up the losses over the next few weeks anyway.  To be honest, a loss with zero deprivation, restriction, counting or exercise is actually quite good!

Ok, enough of this marathon post.  Have a lovely Monday.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Day 2 :)

Got up at 6am again...  feeling great again.


Today I was a bit sore from yesterdays core work out so I did yoga and stretching only.


When I start my sit ups and push ups next week I will alternate days with the core work.


Very pleased this is working out so well!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Well…

I took the extra Concerta at 7:30pm (12 hours from my morning dose) and by 10pm was tired.  Went to bed and felt like I could not sleep.  I tossed and turned and got up a few times.  But I must have slept.  For when my alarm went off at 6am I woke up feeling great!  I honestly cannot recall ever waking up feeling so refreshed and ready for my day.

I did my core work (20 - 25 mins), my 15 minute yoga routine and then some additional stretches.  I finished at 6:40 am (the time my alarm usually goes off and I start pressing snooze).  So I managed to fit breakfast and makeup into my morning routine and still get an earlier train!

So day 1 goes into the books as a success.

In case you are interested in my core work routine:
(Numbers are starting reps, will increase in most cases over time)
  • Pelvic tilts x20
  • Lying leg raises x 20 (each side)
  • Prone leg raises x 20 (each side)
  • Bridge x 10
  • Plank 30 sec x 3
  • Side plank 30 sec x 3 (each side)


I wasn’t that impressed by the yoga routine I chose from the internet.  I will try to find a new copy of ‘teach yourself yoga’ as I used to love the short routine in that.  As a back up I have other internet routines I can try.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Working to my strengths

Some things are fairly random in my life – the time I finish work for example.
Others are fairly consistent – the time I get up would be one of those.
Some parts of me are also fairly consistent – I hate getting up early.
But sometimes one need overrides another.

I am about to start trialling taking my ADD meds twice each day rather than once.  Apparently it will help me sleep better and wake more refreshed.

So as I need to develop a consistent core strengthening and yoga routine, and as my evenings are too often impacted by work, I have come to the reluctant conclusion I need to start a morning routine.

My plan is to get up at 6am instead of 7am which allows time for a proper routine and perhaps even breakfast and makeup!
This is a work in progress, depending on muscle soreness, time required etc, but my initial plan will be:
  • Core work: Monday to Friday
  • Yoga: Monday to Friday
  • Situps and pushups:  Monday, Wednesday, Friday

If time is tight I will do yoga Tuesday and Thursday only.

In addition to the above, I saw a new physiotherapist today.  With her I will be starting pilates (with machines as well as floor work) to really work on my core strength.  I am not sure how regularly I will do pilates, but it will likely replace the core work I do at home on those days.

As far as my eating goes, I am trialling a reduced milk protein diet.  It appears my stomach aches are not related to dehydration.  My doctor suggested they may be milk protein intolerance related (I am not lactose or fructose intolerant).  As a result I have dramatically reduced the chocolate and cheese in my diet and switched to a protein tolerant milk (must get my calcium!).  Already my weight is dropping as a result.  I am 200gm above the 88.8kg last recorded and my approach to recording my progress is to only record the downward parts of my journey so a new number will hopefully appear soon!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My artistic photos :p

Glass slumping photos:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=281565&id=754536018&l=84488af05a



Beginners painting:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=184048&id=754536018&l=a532bf6352

Action first


I have always believed, and still do, that we become what we think.


Thoughts become actions and actions become who we are.


But what if it also works that actions change thoughts?


What if we try things we never thought we could do?  What if we succeed?  We then must change our belief that we could not do that thing.  Which must then make us wonder what else we can do.


A few years ago I changed a basic belief: I hate exercise.  I had a knee reconstruction in 2003 and discovered I loved cycling when I had to do it as part of my therapy.  Booking a personal trainer a year later led to the discovery I love running even more.  Now when I can't run I miss it desperately.


This year I changed another basic belief: I am not artistic.  I signed up for a beginners painting class.  My expectations were that I would produce ordinary paintings but enjoy the process.  Well, I am not ever going to sell my art, but I am a good beginner and I do love the process.  That led me to book a glass slumping class.  Again I loved the process and the results are great for a beginner.  My husband calls me 'my artistic wife' with pride in his voice.


So rather than wait for some magic fairy to come by and change my belief that I fail at weight loss attempts, I should lose weight and prove myself wrong!


I wonder what else I am wrong about?  Food for thought!

Thursday?

Been a crazy week... so a few random updates...  I feel a proper blog coming on...  about comfort zones and change.. but it is still a bit vague in my head so maybe later today....

New kitten (Max) has cat flu :(.  He is snuffling and sneezing.  The vet says he is fine and that most cats going through the RSPCA get it.  But he is so miserable.  He also seems to adore me as much as I adore him.  He follows me with his eyes when he is too sleepy to follow physically.  Missy (2.5 year old cat) is adjusting well to her new housemate.

Work is crazy crazy.  Lots of late nights (11pm last two nights) and no late starts.  I was saying to my sister that I would not mind so much if I loved my work or I got paid by the hour instead of by the day!  But what I do love is doing my job well, so I will do the required hours and keep hoping for that door to open to a career I love that pays as well as this one!  I fell into this career 15 years ago via an unexpected opening...  And I loved it for the first 7 or so years...  so I can hope the same happens again!

I saw my doctor yesterday for a routine check up...  and came away with three referrals!  2 are standard...  with Dad's cancer and me now turning 40 I am about to have the first of many colonoscopies.  I need to see the psychiatrist who diagnosed my ADD last year to get an ongoing licence for the medication.  But the last referral was kind of unexpected.   Because of my ADD diagnosis I am entitled to a 'team care' program.  This means I can get 5 physio/pilates/massage sessions with a medicare rebate.  The cost to me will be about $10 per session and will help with my very tense neck and shoulders, help strengthen my core and also with my hip!  How awesome is that??

I am going to save my 'journey to a better me' updates for another blog.  They are not exciting...  but I feel change brewing...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Nameless Kitten photos...

Still nameless, but now photographed :)




Saturday

Lovely day!


Dad's early-ish to help with more clearing out, packing and shifting hay bales.  Worked about 6 hours there.


Went to the RSPCA and we now have a new 3mth old kitten (to be named!) which is currently trying to make friends with our 2.5 year old cat (Missy).


I made a bacon and rice fritatta. Now this is news as it is a bit of a step forward for me.  I don't like eggs.  I have been trying to introduce them but it's been tough.  But as a coeliac there are many times when it would be so helpful if I ate them.  A few weeks ago at my glass slumping class I ate my first fritatta and was surprised how much I liked it.  I found a recipe and made my own tonight.  And it was fine!  Next step is an omelette...  but the rice fritatta is a good forward step in the meantime!


Now watching footy on the TV while laughing at the antics of our cats....   Missy (the older one) is being grumpy but is coming around by the minute.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Oops - not myself?

It seems my extreme tiredness was gluten related this week.
It has finally worn off (after a day off work today and 15 hours sleep).


So a few things will now happen:

  • I will find it easier to make good food choices without my body calling out for energy dense foods
  • My attitude will improve
  • My energy levels will improve



Can't argue with those improvements!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A small dilemma

I really want a wardrobe revamp.... I want to shop with a personal stylist...  I have set aside some money from my tax return to do this...  but part of me is holding back.


My concerns include:

  • wasting money I should put towards our mortgage buffer
  • trying to look good when losing weight would achieve the same
  • no clothes at my size looking good anyway
  • what if I don't like the stylists style...  I can decide not to buy the clothes but her hourly rate has to be paid anyway



My reasons to want to do it:

  • I believe feeling confident will help me lose weight
  • I have to wear clothes what ever my weight so I may as well look the best I can while losing weight and not wait for goal
  • the ideas I am taught for dressing for my shape will still apply when I am slim as my basic shape will not change



My options:

  • Just do it
  • Book it for January (sales) and hope to have lost more weight by then (but not set it as a reward, book it regardless)
  • Forget it until I am slim and decide then if I even need it



Opinions?

The 'enemy'

Something Sean (link) wrote the other day really resonated with me.

Food is NOT the enemy.

What Sean wrote about was realising that he was the reason he was overweight, not food.

I am probably repeating Sean in what I am going to write, but I need to put my thoughts in my words....

I am not the enemy either.  This is my life.  Not a war.

Food is a requirement for life.

Food can be healthy (or not), delicious (or not) but it is always going to be part of my life.

Making food a negative in my life won’t ever work, or at least not for long.

My journey to becoming the best me is mainly an internal one.   It is about changing the way I think and behave.

One of the key changes for me is about changing my approach from a battle plan to a series of personal goals.

Another is learning to accept who I am now, that the journey to the best me is part of my life, not a break from life where everything else is on hold until I become a new and improved me.

Food is not the enemy, and neither am I.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Random thoughts - in 3 parts

An observation
My body is pretty clever.
Aside from the obvious breathing, beating, healing, growing, moving and feeling that is.
It tells me clearly what it needs.
Sometimes I can’t give it what it needs.
So it tells me what I can substitute.
I am learning to really listen to it.
And it is pretty clever.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Me update
My past few days have been a bit all over the place.
Friday night I went to the footy – first final – and my team won with a last minute free kick.  The emotional roller coaster of the last 10 minutes of the game was exhilarating to say the least!
Then Saturday we cancelled the trip to Dad’s.  He needed a weekend off.  So we went to the RSPCA (still no cat or dog that we both loved), gluten free shop, supermarket and shopping for fathers day.  Then we relaxed for the rest of the afternoon and evening.  Great day.
Sunday started slowly, then we headed off to lunch for Father’s Day.  Had a fantastic meal at Rockpool and managed to stay for 4 hours!  I love spending time with my family.  I ate naturally.  I ordered food I love and ate to the point of satisfaction not fullness.  The food was amazing, but the company was why I was there.  Watching my Dad make paper planes for my nephew, teasing my brother about his girlfriends, talking clothes and accessories with my sister.  That is what makes a great fathers day.
When we got home I fell asleep on the couch.  Ian woke me about 10:30pm after nearly 4 hours sleep.  Of course I then could not get back to sleep until 3am!  7am alarm nearly killed me, I was so sleepy.  I felt drugged!  I am guessing I either had a virus or ate something with gluten over the weekend. 
This is where I had to really listen to my body.  It wanted sleep but I had to go to work.  And instead of heading for high energy food to keep me awake I went for nuts and seeds.  I was really glad I did that as I felt much better.  I was flat out at work all day, didn’t leave until 8pm, but other than dozing in the taxi I slept in my normal pattern last night and woke feeling normal again today.
But I am having nuts and seeds for breakfast again anyway.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Food and smiles
I am working on liking eggs – being coeliac having eggs for breakfast would be a great option for me.  I just don’t like them!  But when I did my glass slumping class I had an Italian style omelette with rice in it and really enjoyed it!  I found a recipe over the weekend so will try making it myself soon.  That would be great as I think I can work my way from things like that to things with more egg and less things to hide the flavour and texture!
That is also where the ‘listen to my body but find substitutes’ comes in.  Sometimes there are limited gluten free options so I need to find the one that most closely matches what my body needs.  Fresh fruit, vegetables, meat, nuts and seeds are all gluten free so it is not that hard…  you just have to watch how things are prepared if you are not cooking yourself.
And sometimes I eat purely for joy.  The MCG has gluten free meat pies and that is a footy tradition I have had to live without for a long time.  So when it is finals time and I am at the MCG to watch the Saints I indulge in a gf pie.  Not because my body needs it but because it makes me smile.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

This may make no sense...

My title was going to be: Parallel Journeys
But I am not even sure anyone else will follow my random ramblings... so I renamed it.

Becoming the best me is a holistic journey.   It is physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

The old way:
In 2008 I got to my goal weight by following weight watchers but without changing my thought processes.  It was actually really easy.  But I didn’t stay at goal.  In fact it took 8 months to lose 54lb and 8 months to put it back on.  I was at goal for about 4 weeks in total.
A few times after that I lost some weight but it always went back on. 
I often went back to weight watchers, but I struggled to make progress for more than a month at a time.
Then in about 2004 I discovered and started changing the subconscious beliefs that were stopping me staying at my best weight.
I spent a lot of time discovering and changing these ideas that had taken hold. 
Then I went back to weight watchers and still struggled to make progress for more than a month at a time.
So I went back to a psychologist and dealt with more issues.
And then I went back to weight watchers and still struggled to make progress for more than a month at a time.
Then I found out I had ADD.  I was put on ADD medication and also had more therapy.  I learned more about myself than I ever had before.
And then I went back to weight watchers and still struggled to make progress for more than a month at a time.
In between weight watchers attempts I also tried a variety of other weight loss methods (excluding crash diets!).  None succeeded.

The new way:
In the past few months my approach has changed quite a bit.
It needed to.
I had to change some more beliefs. 
Just because weight watchers got me to my goal weight once 12 years ago does not mean it is the way I will get to my healthy weight and stay there.  Just because ‘eating when hungry’ seems too simple does not mean it doesn’t work.  Just because my weight loss is more slow than steady does not mean I will not reach goal faster than sticking to a ‘plan’ for a month then feeling like garbage for not sticking to it for the next 11 months.  If it takes 11 years that is success given I have not got there trying other methods in the past 12 years.
I do not have to sort out one part of ‘me’ at a time.  I can lose weight, get strong, discover my artistic side, consider career options, discover new friends, rediscover old friends, read self help books, and change hair styles all in parallel. 
This may mean that this week I move forward more in one area than another.  But next week that might change again.  It might mean that today I am busy at work and don’t really improve anything expect my overtime.  And that is ok.
I have identified 2 non negotiables for now:  daily breakfast and 3 times per week floor work.
These will be added to over time.  When I am ready for the next step. 
This is my life.  I choose the path I take on any given day.  This is not a race. 
Because even as I am right now, today, I am ok.  If nothing changes I am still a good person.  Some people even like me just the way I am.  They won’t like me any more or less if I am slim or fit or a painter or a runner.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Motivation = $5.95

Yep.  Five dollars and 95 cents.


It got me a '21 days to change a habit' notepad from kikki-k.


Who knew that was all I needed to be motivated??


I love the little tick boxes and want to be on track so I can put in my ticks!


So simple yet so effective.


What motivates you?


(PS - yes the text in my second line is a link so you can see what I am talking about :p)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunday

Had a lovely day.


Went to the RSPCA to look for a new cat or dog.  Didn't have any luck today but we will keep looking.


Went to Dad's and helped clear out part of the milk shed (converted to a living area) and the 4th (last!) shipping container.  We will be back next Saturday to do some more.  


Came home and had a Nanna nap.


Then tonight I finally listened to my hypnotherapy CD!


That was followed by my floor work.


Had breakfast daily.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


On a totally separate note, I had an interesting occurrence last week.  I had run out of my ADD/ADHD meds and kept forgetting to collect then.  I probably went a week without them all up.  Then I took them again on Thursday and Friday morning and they made my hyperactive!  I have stopped taking them again until I see my GP (will need to make an appointment which means about 3 weeks wait).  It may be the dose has become too high for some reason.  I wonder if it is related at all to my atlas alignment?  Nothing else has changed as a result of that!  Oh well.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Today I am grateful:

  1. For my husband and his willingness to spend our weekends helping my Dad
  2. For my Dad and quality time spent with him
  3. For my Mum and her coming home from holiday in another week or so
  4. For my brother and his ability to make me laugh
  5. For my sister and her generosity
  6. For family, friends, love and laughter ♥

Thursday, December 23, 2010

2011...

In 2011 I am going to fix my hip.


Then I am going to start walking.


Then I am going to do the C25K.


Then I am going to do fun runs.


Then I am going to run further and faster.


In 2013 (possibly 2012 I will walk it) I am going to run the 14.2km 'run for the kids' fun run in Melbourne.


And while I do all that I will be losing weight!

Monday, December 13, 2010

2011??

I was just asked by my psychologist what my goals were for 2011.
Not something I had thought about really!  So using my ‘wheel of life’ categories, here goes with where I would like to be by the end of 2011:
Career
My goal for 2011 is to decide where I want to go with my career and have an idea of how to get there
Money
Extend mortgage "buffer" to 6 months (3 months living)
Home
Finish back yard
Replace dishwasher
Relationships
Be able to have more weekends away with Ian
Health
Lose 14kg to be in ‘overweight’ BMI range
Learning
Spend more time painting
Do some online study
Friends
Spend time with friends who make me feel good
Family
Spend time with family
Let go more from organizational and fixing role within the family
Me!
Keep increasing confidence
Define who I am and want to be more clearly (artist, runner?)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I am still around...

I know I have been MIA again.
It is just that I am really fed up with myself writing my latest ‘plan’ and never following through.

So firstly what have I managed since I last blogged:
I have done 95% of the shopping for my new wardrobe.  It has been such a worthwhile exercise.  By spending time doing research about both what suits me and about ‘capsule wardrobes’ (Gok Wan style where the ‘capsule’ is all you need, not a starting point) I was able to go shopping with a clear plan of exactly what I wanted to buy.  By getting everything in 2 days of shopping I was able to ensure it all mixes and matches.  By knowing what shapes to buy shopping was more efficient and there is nothing that will now lurk, unloved, at the back of my wardrobe.

Shopping for and wearing clothes that flatter my apple shape has given me confidence that I can look good at any size.  Being able to go to my wardrobe and select from a range of items that make me look and feel good boosts that confidence further.

Being confident and no longer hating my body shape makes it easier to be nice to myself.
Knowing that I can dress in clothes that look good on my obese body makes me excited about the options as my body gets smaller.  I effectively shop in 3 department stores and 1 specialty plus size store.  Imagine when I can wear clothes from nearly every store??  That excites and motivates me.

In case you are wondering about what I had on my list to get me through the summer:
  • 4 ‘smart’ skirts
  • 4 ‘smart’ tops
  • 1 casual skirt
  • 1 casual pair of shorts
  • 2 casual tops
  • 1 ‘smart’ dress
  • 1 jacket

I already had 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of ¾ length white trousers and 1 casual dress which worked with my shape.
I did also purchase some ‘shape wear’ to assist in smoothing my curves under some of the new clothes.
Everything is mix and match so the ‘smart’ and ‘casual’ can cross over and cover most occasions.

What else have I done:
  • I listened to my hypnotherapy CD
  • I dealt with my Dad being hospitalised with a chronic infection and 0.00 white blood cells (he is home again now with a count of 1.0 and rising).  He should be well enough to resume chemotherapy on Monday.
  • I am dealing with lots of uncertainty at work.  Management have declared a 6.5 week forced leave period for all contractors (yep, that’s me) from Dec 13th.  This would make it really hard financially.  We are waiting to hear (Monday hopefully) if my team are exempt.  On top of that I have been offered a chance to move into a very different role on the project, this could be my way out of software testing.  They will teach me about this other area.  Best case: I love it and a new career path is born.  Worst case: I hate it and go back to test management.  No need to guess that I said I was interested.  It may not come about, but hopefully it will.  It does add to the uncertainty in the meantime though.
  • Agreed with my manager to start and finish early 2 days a week so I can spend time with my DH who is on a very different work roster to me.  Some nights he goes to bed within 30 minutes of me arriving home!


What I am going to do:
  • Switch my core work to evenings.  After the initial delight in my becoming a ‘morning person’ it seems to have worn off!  I am also getting to work earlier so I can leave early which has an impact to my morning plans.  But basically I have done pretty much zero morning exercise in weeks.  Time to change to evenings.
  • Document my food intake.  I just thought – there may be an android application I can use to do that on my phone…  although I prefer not to track calories or points etc so I will really just be looking for some sort of daily list/diary…


So in a marathon update, that is what I have and will be up to.

As usual I am writing this at work, in a word document to minimise my web time in the office, so won’t get to read your blogs.  Maybe this weekend.

Monday, November 8, 2010

November already?

It feels longer than 11 days since I last posted.
I have not moved on with my wardrobe makeover yet.  Having MIL here means lots of activity in my free time.  But she goes home Friday so I will try to get it done over the next few weeks – along with my Christmas shopping.
We got bad news in regards to my Dad’s cancer last week.  The SIRT treatment has not worked.  On the plus side he has no new metastases to date.  But the liver met the SIRT was focussed on has grown.   Tomorrow he starts chemotherapy again which is the only option remaining.  The surgeon did say to him that it was only a matter of time before the cancer spread as it is pushing against a vein in his liver.  The additional down side of the chemo is that the PIC line that is inserted means no more playing cricket.  He loves playing: my brother and 2 of his step sons play with him and they all have a wonderful time.
And to top it all off, I fell apart at work Friday.  I was speaking to my step mum and she had lots she needed to say while she didn’t feel a need to be ‘strong’ in front of Dad.  We both ended up crying, but after the call ended my tears didn’t!  I ended up being sent home in a taxi (with a cab charge) by my boss.  I spent time at the beach and then with my mother and nephew.  I logged back into work about 4 hours after I left.  I did feel better for getting it out of my system… but I now have quite a few colleagues tiptoeing around me!
With regards to weight loss I have barely given it a thought. 
Oh well.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

My personal makeover

When I eat ‘naturally’ (ie not focusing on weight loss) I tend to lose weight.
But confidence plays a big part in that process.  I have to not second guess myself.  I have to feel good about myself.
In the past exercise has given me confidence, but with my hip that has not been an option.
Confidence for me comes from many sources, but lasting confidence is mostly from doing things I have not done before.
This year I took my first (and second) beginners painting class.  I am 40 and for the first time ever I have been described as artistic!  I am even starting to think of myself that way.  My confidence to try new things has skyrocketed as a result.  I knew I would enjoy painting.  I did not think I would have skill J
Earlier last year I began a process of improving my ‘style’.  It started with accessories.  I noticed how ‘put together’ my Mum always looks with a few simple accessories.  So I got myself some.  And felt better about how I looked.
Then I went to a ‘stylist’ party where I was told 3 of the 4 items I had with me for assessment did not flatter my shape.  That was followed by a 1hour shopping trip with the same stylist.  I returned most of what I purchased, but I was able to feel comfortable buying skirts and tops to wear for work in winter.  I even managed a fairly good outfit to wear to me Dad’s 60th party (again in winter!).
I removed most of the unflattering items from my wardrobe.
But then the weather warmed up!  I researched stylists with the idea of shopping with one for my summer wardrobe.  I applied for a Trinny and Susannah makeover.  I devoured Gok Wan programs.
I didn’t get the T&S makeover.
I spent the stylist money on stuff for the house (like paint!)
So it came down to me.
So I researched more.
I confirmed that I am an apple shape.  My measurements say I am ‘straight’ but I am just not!
I found some great sites.
I window shopped and tried on a few bits and pieces.
I reviewed the items in a Gok Wan capsule wardrobe.
I reviewed what I needed for a summer wardrobe and decided on the number and type of clothing I need (shoes and accessories I will do last).
While seeing if a maxi dress plus ‘pull me in’ underwear worked (maxi dress alone = 8 months pregnant) I fell in love with one on special that fit one of my key piece needs.  I purchased the first item in my new capsule wardrobe!
Next steps include a careful review of my current wardrobe for anything that fits into my capsule requirements.  Everything else will be set aside and hopefully given to charity once I complete my new purchases.  And of course the purchase of the rest of the wardrobe.
Skirts, jeans and dresses I am comfortable with knowing the best basic shape(s) for me.  Shorts and tops I need more research on.  Shorts I have an idea for but need to find and try on some pairs to confirm.
So thanks to the internet, my family and many hours of makeover TV, I think in the next few weeks I will start to have confidence that I am wearing clothes that suit me.
And that confidence I believe will lead to me eating less 'comfort' food.
I am looking forward to that!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

79.5

79.5
That is my next goal
That is 10% from my latest ‘low’ weight
That is my lowest weight for 12 years
That is a BMI of 30.7 (almost overweight instead of obese)
That is about 2 sizes smaller than I am now
That is shopping for tops in ‘normal’ shops
That is a lot less weight for my hip to bear
That is possibly running again
That is pride in my achievements
That is comfort in my own skin

Discoveries since I last blogged:
  • Feeling fabulous in the mornings may have been a combination of Concerta and reduced milk proteins.  I started eating chocolate again and I have gone back to struggling to get up in the morning.  Not as much as I used to, but not as good as the first week.
  • I lose weight when I stop eating chocolate.  I stop losing weight when I eat chocolate.
  • Action instead of words only works when you take action.  Action is the key.  Words are irrelevant.  
    • Reduce chocolate
    • Floor work daily
    • Listen to hypno CD
  • Simple actions.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Blogging break

Hi,

Just to let you know I am having a short blogging break.

Work etc really crazy.

Will be back soon!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Thursday odds and ends

My week has been pretty good.

Flooring purchased Sunday has been delivered. 

Wall in family room has been painted by DH. 

Another coat of paint on the bed frame has still not covered the primer so a 4th, heavier, coat will 
be applied on the weekend.


We have tickets (Mum and I) to see the grand final take II on Saturday.

Hormones influenced some of yesterdays eating choices. 

I saw my physio again and she did some ‘dry needling’ to release tension in my neck, shoulders and hip.  I am still doing a combination of floor work, yoga and stretching each morning.  She is also going to get me some supportive inner soles to wear in my trainers.

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I applied for a TV makeover program… well I have been asked to come along to a ‘group audition’.  That will be in 2 weeks… should be great fun even if I don’t get through to the next stage!

Work slightly less mad this week.  Hope it lasts!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Weekend wrap up

I have had a great weekend!

I worked late Friday and then DH took me to dinner before I went home.  We went to my favourite Vietnamese restaurant.

Saturday was the AFL Grand Final and my team (St Kilda Saints) was playing.  Mum and I headed to the game, very excited!  Got plenty of exercise as our seats were very high with a lot of stairs to get there (drinks and bathroom trips required going down and back up again)!
And after an emotional roller coaster of a game… it was a draw!  One of the many ways AFL is unique is that a grand final draw requires a rematch the following week.  So Mum and I will be back there next Saturday (and yes, we have had to purchase new tickets, but they are not as high this time!).  There has only been 3 draws in AFL/VFL grand final history.  So it was special… but also really frustrating and expensive!
You can see some of the photos of the day here.

Sunday was a gorgeous spring day, sunshine and mild temperatures.  We headed out to Bunnings (a large Australian hardware store) to look at the price of carpet.  We are planning on making our mark on our very bland house and have spent the past few weekends deciding on paint colours and getting sample pots.  The blue carpet in the lounge really didn’t fit our schemes, and the wood flooring we wanted was more than we could afford right now.  We were happy to be patient and look at alternatives.  We had other rooms to ‘do’ in the meantime.  Anyway… Bunnings had gorgeous solid oak flooring on sale for half price as it was no longer being stocked!  And they had enough for our room!  It will be delivered Tuesday but we are still deciding if we should get it professionally laid.  If we do it ourselves it will be a while away as our weekends are pretty full for the next few months!
Sunday afternoon saw me painting the iron bed that is in our spare room.  I have sprayed on 3 coats (1 of primer, 2 of paint) so far, but will need another.  It is quite amazing how much my arm aches after holding the spray can nozzle for that many coats!  My MIL arrives in less than 2 weeks and I want her room to be great when she does.  Last year we had only been in the house a month and while she was perfectly happy, I want her room to be more special this time.  She stays 5 weeks each year so it is important to me that she has a lovely place to sleep.  Nobody else uses that room as it has a king single and most guests prefer the queen in the other spare room.  I have also done a painting for her room and will ensure she has things to make her stay comfortable.  I am completely aware that I am doing this because it makes me feel good to make my MIL feel special!  She would be happy sleeping anywhere.

Once more this morning I was up at 6 with no issues.  My husband is still in shock at this new me!  To be honest so am I!  I did core, yoga and stretching today.  I plan to do push-ups, sit-ups, yoga and stretching tomorrow.  I have to confess that today I read the last of Stephen King’s “Under the Dome” instead of doing my makeup and getting the earlier train…  I was too tired to keep reading last night… but I did make sure I exercised first this morning!

I am happy to report a new lowest weight for 2010, although when I posted it on my page I noticed I have lost a mere 0.5kg in 3 months!  Better than a gain and I think my reduced dairy diet will speed up the losses over the next few weeks anyway.  To be honest, a loss with zero deprivation, restriction, counting or exercise is actually quite good!

Ok, enough of this marathon post.  Have a lovely Monday.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Day 2 :)

Got up at 6am again...  feeling great again.


Today I was a bit sore from yesterdays core work out so I did yoga and stretching only.


When I start my sit ups and push ups next week I will alternate days with the core work.


Very pleased this is working out so well!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Well…

I took the extra Concerta at 7:30pm (12 hours from my morning dose) and by 10pm was tired.  Went to bed and felt like I could not sleep.  I tossed and turned and got up a few times.  But I must have slept.  For when my alarm went off at 6am I woke up feeling great!  I honestly cannot recall ever waking up feeling so refreshed and ready for my day.

I did my core work (20 - 25 mins), my 15 minute yoga routine and then some additional stretches.  I finished at 6:40 am (the time my alarm usually goes off and I start pressing snooze).  So I managed to fit breakfast and makeup into my morning routine and still get an earlier train!

So day 1 goes into the books as a success.

In case you are interested in my core work routine:
(Numbers are starting reps, will increase in most cases over time)
  • Pelvic tilts x20
  • Lying leg raises x 20 (each side)
  • Prone leg raises x 20 (each side)
  • Bridge x 10
  • Plank 30 sec x 3
  • Side plank 30 sec x 3 (each side)


I wasn’t that impressed by the yoga routine I chose from the internet.  I will try to find a new copy of ‘teach yourself yoga’ as I used to love the short routine in that.  As a back up I have other internet routines I can try.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Working to my strengths

Some things are fairly random in my life – the time I finish work for example.
Others are fairly consistent – the time I get up would be one of those.
Some parts of me are also fairly consistent – I hate getting up early.
But sometimes one need overrides another.

I am about to start trialling taking my ADD meds twice each day rather than once.  Apparently it will help me sleep better and wake more refreshed.

So as I need to develop a consistent core strengthening and yoga routine, and as my evenings are too often impacted by work, I have come to the reluctant conclusion I need to start a morning routine.

My plan is to get up at 6am instead of 7am which allows time for a proper routine and perhaps even breakfast and makeup!
This is a work in progress, depending on muscle soreness, time required etc, but my initial plan will be:
  • Core work: Monday to Friday
  • Yoga: Monday to Friday
  • Situps and pushups:  Monday, Wednesday, Friday

If time is tight I will do yoga Tuesday and Thursday only.

In addition to the above, I saw a new physiotherapist today.  With her I will be starting pilates (with machines as well as floor work) to really work on my core strength.  I am not sure how regularly I will do pilates, but it will likely replace the core work I do at home on those days.

As far as my eating goes, I am trialling a reduced milk protein diet.  It appears my stomach aches are not related to dehydration.  My doctor suggested they may be milk protein intolerance related (I am not lactose or fructose intolerant).  As a result I have dramatically reduced the chocolate and cheese in my diet and switched to a protein tolerant milk (must get my calcium!).  Already my weight is dropping as a result.  I am 200gm above the 88.8kg last recorded and my approach to recording my progress is to only record the downward parts of my journey so a new number will hopefully appear soon!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My artistic photos :p

Glass slumping photos:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=281565&id=754536018&l=84488af05a



Beginners painting:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=184048&id=754536018&l=a532bf6352

Action first


I have always believed, and still do, that we become what we think.


Thoughts become actions and actions become who we are.


But what if it also works that actions change thoughts?


What if we try things we never thought we could do?  What if we succeed?  We then must change our belief that we could not do that thing.  Which must then make us wonder what else we can do.


A few years ago I changed a basic belief: I hate exercise.  I had a knee reconstruction in 2003 and discovered I loved cycling when I had to do it as part of my therapy.  Booking a personal trainer a year later led to the discovery I love running even more.  Now when I can't run I miss it desperately.


This year I changed another basic belief: I am not artistic.  I signed up for a beginners painting class.  My expectations were that I would produce ordinary paintings but enjoy the process.  Well, I am not ever going to sell my art, but I am a good beginner and I do love the process.  That led me to book a glass slumping class.  Again I loved the process and the results are great for a beginner.  My husband calls me 'my artistic wife' with pride in his voice.


So rather than wait for some magic fairy to come by and change my belief that I fail at weight loss attempts, I should lose weight and prove myself wrong!


I wonder what else I am wrong about?  Food for thought!

Thursday?

Been a crazy week... so a few random updates...  I feel a proper blog coming on...  about comfort zones and change.. but it is still a bit vague in my head so maybe later today....

New kitten (Max) has cat flu :(.  He is snuffling and sneezing.  The vet says he is fine and that most cats going through the RSPCA get it.  But he is so miserable.  He also seems to adore me as much as I adore him.  He follows me with his eyes when he is too sleepy to follow physically.  Missy (2.5 year old cat) is adjusting well to her new housemate.

Work is crazy crazy.  Lots of late nights (11pm last two nights) and no late starts.  I was saying to my sister that I would not mind so much if I loved my work or I got paid by the hour instead of by the day!  But what I do love is doing my job well, so I will do the required hours and keep hoping for that door to open to a career I love that pays as well as this one!  I fell into this career 15 years ago via an unexpected opening...  And I loved it for the first 7 or so years...  so I can hope the same happens again!

I saw my doctor yesterday for a routine check up...  and came away with three referrals!  2 are standard...  with Dad's cancer and me now turning 40 I am about to have the first of many colonoscopies.  I need to see the psychiatrist who diagnosed my ADD last year to get an ongoing licence for the medication.  But the last referral was kind of unexpected.   Because of my ADD diagnosis I am entitled to a 'team care' program.  This means I can get 5 physio/pilates/massage sessions with a medicare rebate.  The cost to me will be about $10 per session and will help with my very tense neck and shoulders, help strengthen my core and also with my hip!  How awesome is that??

I am going to save my 'journey to a better me' updates for another blog.  They are not exciting...  but I feel change brewing...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Nameless Kitten photos...

Still nameless, but now photographed :)




Saturday

Lovely day!


Dad's early-ish to help with more clearing out, packing and shifting hay bales.  Worked about 6 hours there.


Went to the RSPCA and we now have a new 3mth old kitten (to be named!) which is currently trying to make friends with our 2.5 year old cat (Missy).


I made a bacon and rice fritatta. Now this is news as it is a bit of a step forward for me.  I don't like eggs.  I have been trying to introduce them but it's been tough.  But as a coeliac there are many times when it would be so helpful if I ate them.  A few weeks ago at my glass slumping class I ate my first fritatta and was surprised how much I liked it.  I found a recipe and made my own tonight.  And it was fine!  Next step is an omelette...  but the rice fritatta is a good forward step in the meantime!


Now watching footy on the TV while laughing at the antics of our cats....   Missy (the older one) is being grumpy but is coming around by the minute.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Oops - not myself?

It seems my extreme tiredness was gluten related this week.
It has finally worn off (after a day off work today and 15 hours sleep).


So a few things will now happen:

  • I will find it easier to make good food choices without my body calling out for energy dense foods
  • My attitude will improve
  • My energy levels will improve



Can't argue with those improvements!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A small dilemma

I really want a wardrobe revamp.... I want to shop with a personal stylist...  I have set aside some money from my tax return to do this...  but part of me is holding back.


My concerns include:

  • wasting money I should put towards our mortgage buffer
  • trying to look good when losing weight would achieve the same
  • no clothes at my size looking good anyway
  • what if I don't like the stylists style...  I can decide not to buy the clothes but her hourly rate has to be paid anyway



My reasons to want to do it:

  • I believe feeling confident will help me lose weight
  • I have to wear clothes what ever my weight so I may as well look the best I can while losing weight and not wait for goal
  • the ideas I am taught for dressing for my shape will still apply when I am slim as my basic shape will not change



My options:

  • Just do it
  • Book it for January (sales) and hope to have lost more weight by then (but not set it as a reward, book it regardless)
  • Forget it until I am slim and decide then if I even need it



Opinions?

The 'enemy'

Something Sean (link) wrote the other day really resonated with me.

Food is NOT the enemy.

What Sean wrote about was realising that he was the reason he was overweight, not food.

I am probably repeating Sean in what I am going to write, but I need to put my thoughts in my words....

I am not the enemy either.  This is my life.  Not a war.

Food is a requirement for life.

Food can be healthy (or not), delicious (or not) but it is always going to be part of my life.

Making food a negative in my life won’t ever work, or at least not for long.

My journey to becoming the best me is mainly an internal one.   It is about changing the way I think and behave.

One of the key changes for me is about changing my approach from a battle plan to a series of personal goals.

Another is learning to accept who I am now, that the journey to the best me is part of my life, not a break from life where everything else is on hold until I become a new and improved me.

Food is not the enemy, and neither am I.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Random thoughts - in 3 parts

An observation
My body is pretty clever.
Aside from the obvious breathing, beating, healing, growing, moving and feeling that is.
It tells me clearly what it needs.
Sometimes I can’t give it what it needs.
So it tells me what I can substitute.
I am learning to really listen to it.
And it is pretty clever.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Me update
My past few days have been a bit all over the place.
Friday night I went to the footy – first final – and my team won with a last minute free kick.  The emotional roller coaster of the last 10 minutes of the game was exhilarating to say the least!
Then Saturday we cancelled the trip to Dad’s.  He needed a weekend off.  So we went to the RSPCA (still no cat or dog that we both loved), gluten free shop, supermarket and shopping for fathers day.  Then we relaxed for the rest of the afternoon and evening.  Great day.
Sunday started slowly, then we headed off to lunch for Father’s Day.  Had a fantastic meal at Rockpool and managed to stay for 4 hours!  I love spending time with my family.  I ate naturally.  I ordered food I love and ate to the point of satisfaction not fullness.  The food was amazing, but the company was why I was there.  Watching my Dad make paper planes for my nephew, teasing my brother about his girlfriends, talking clothes and accessories with my sister.  That is what makes a great fathers day.
When we got home I fell asleep on the couch.  Ian woke me about 10:30pm after nearly 4 hours sleep.  Of course I then could not get back to sleep until 3am!  7am alarm nearly killed me, I was so sleepy.  I felt drugged!  I am guessing I either had a virus or ate something with gluten over the weekend. 
This is where I had to really listen to my body.  It wanted sleep but I had to go to work.  And instead of heading for high energy food to keep me awake I went for nuts and seeds.  I was really glad I did that as I felt much better.  I was flat out at work all day, didn’t leave until 8pm, but other than dozing in the taxi I slept in my normal pattern last night and woke feeling normal again today.
But I am having nuts and seeds for breakfast again anyway.
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Food and smiles
I am working on liking eggs – being coeliac having eggs for breakfast would be a great option for me.  I just don’t like them!  But when I did my glass slumping class I had an Italian style omelette with rice in it and really enjoyed it!  I found a recipe over the weekend so will try making it myself soon.  That would be great as I think I can work my way from things like that to things with more egg and less things to hide the flavour and texture!
That is also where the ‘listen to my body but find substitutes’ comes in.  Sometimes there are limited gluten free options so I need to find the one that most closely matches what my body needs.  Fresh fruit, vegetables, meat, nuts and seeds are all gluten free so it is not that hard…  you just have to watch how things are prepared if you are not cooking yourself.
And sometimes I eat purely for joy.  The MCG has gluten free meat pies and that is a footy tradition I have had to live without for a long time.  So when it is finals time and I am at the MCG to watch the Saints I indulge in a gf pie.  Not because my body needs it but because it makes me smile.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

This may make no sense...

My title was going to be: Parallel Journeys
But I am not even sure anyone else will follow my random ramblings... so I renamed it.

Becoming the best me is a holistic journey.   It is physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

The old way:
In 2008 I got to my goal weight by following weight watchers but without changing my thought processes.  It was actually really easy.  But I didn’t stay at goal.  In fact it took 8 months to lose 54lb and 8 months to put it back on.  I was at goal for about 4 weeks in total.
A few times after that I lost some weight but it always went back on. 
I often went back to weight watchers, but I struggled to make progress for more than a month at a time.
Then in about 2004 I discovered and started changing the subconscious beliefs that were stopping me staying at my best weight.
I spent a lot of time discovering and changing these ideas that had taken hold. 
Then I went back to weight watchers and still struggled to make progress for more than a month at a time.
So I went back to a psychologist and dealt with more issues.
And then I went back to weight watchers and still struggled to make progress for more than a month at a time.
Then I found out I had ADD.  I was put on ADD medication and also had more therapy.  I learned more about myself than I ever had before.
And then I went back to weight watchers and still struggled to make progress for more than a month at a time.
In between weight watchers attempts I also tried a variety of other weight loss methods (excluding crash diets!).  None succeeded.

The new way:
In the past few months my approach has changed quite a bit.
It needed to.
I had to change some more beliefs. 
Just because weight watchers got me to my goal weight once 12 years ago does not mean it is the way I will get to my healthy weight and stay there.  Just because ‘eating when hungry’ seems too simple does not mean it doesn’t work.  Just because my weight loss is more slow than steady does not mean I will not reach goal faster than sticking to a ‘plan’ for a month then feeling like garbage for not sticking to it for the next 11 months.  If it takes 11 years that is success given I have not got there trying other methods in the past 12 years.
I do not have to sort out one part of ‘me’ at a time.  I can lose weight, get strong, discover my artistic side, consider career options, discover new friends, rediscover old friends, read self help books, and change hair styles all in parallel. 
This may mean that this week I move forward more in one area than another.  But next week that might change again.  It might mean that today I am busy at work and don’t really improve anything expect my overtime.  And that is ok.
I have identified 2 non negotiables for now:  daily breakfast and 3 times per week floor work.
These will be added to over time.  When I am ready for the next step. 
This is my life.  I choose the path I take on any given day.  This is not a race. 
Because even as I am right now, today, I am ok.  If nothing changes I am still a good person.  Some people even like me just the way I am.  They won’t like me any more or less if I am slim or fit or a painter or a runner.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Motivation = $5.95

Yep.  Five dollars and 95 cents.


It got me a '21 days to change a habit' notepad from kikki-k.


Who knew that was all I needed to be motivated??


I love the little tick boxes and want to be on track so I can put in my ticks!


So simple yet so effective.


What motivates you?


(PS - yes the text in my second line is a link so you can see what I am talking about :p)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunday

Had a lovely day.


Went to the RSPCA to look for a new cat or dog.  Didn't have any luck today but we will keep looking.


Went to Dad's and helped clear out part of the milk shed (converted to a living area) and the 4th (last!) shipping container.  We will be back next Saturday to do some more.  


Came home and had a Nanna nap.


Then tonight I finally listened to my hypnotherapy CD!


That was followed by my floor work.


Had breakfast daily.


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On a totally separate note, I had an interesting occurrence last week.  I had run out of my ADD/ADHD meds and kept forgetting to collect then.  I probably went a week without them all up.  Then I took them again on Thursday and Friday morning and they made my hyperactive!  I have stopped taking them again until I see my GP (will need to make an appointment which means about 3 weeks wait).  It may be the dose has become too high for some reason.  I wonder if it is related at all to my atlas alignment?  Nothing else has changed as a result of that!  Oh well.


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Today I am grateful:

  1. For my husband and his willingness to spend our weekends helping my Dad
  2. For my Dad and quality time spent with him
  3. For my Mum and her coming home from holiday in another week or so
  4. For my brother and his ability to make me laugh
  5. For my sister and her generosity
  6. For family, friends, love and laughter ♥