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"You can have the results you say you want, or you can have all the reasons in the world why you can’t have them. But you can’t have both. Reasons or results. You get to choose."


Susan Carlson

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Guilt

I laugh about having an ‘overactive guilt gland’ but in reality it can be really hard to live with.


There is the family ‘bun story’ which is long and basically involves me (about age 10) confessing, sobbing, in the middle of the night about the bite of a bun I took 2 years earlier. My parents reacted with laughter and have since repeated that story over and over again.


There is the difficulty in stopping ‘people pleasing’. The guilt from saying ‘No’ far outweighs the pain of just keeping everyone happy.


Then there is today. I was given a small piece of information at work that was required for work my team had been engaged to do. I had a question related to that information so I emailed some people with my question and I included the information.


Literally one minute later I received an email in response to another I had sent saying that I was not allowed access to that piece of information and that my team was not to do the work.


I ‘recalled’ my email but it was read by some people.


Even though I was not told the information was confidential until after I had sent my email, even though the person who gave it to me did not know it was confidential, even though I know I would not have sent it had I known, I feel incredibly guilty.


And guilt makes me want to eat chocolate. (I am resisting the urge)


I really feel I need to deal with my feelings of guilt. It can’t be right to feel guilty about things that I know are out of my control.

2 comments:

cmoursler said...

you have a well developed conscience...that is a good thing. It seems alot of people have gotten rid of theirs...Don't eat chocolate.
lol.

Blue~ said...

I can put myself in your place, see it exactly as you see it too. I would feel 'stupid' for not having understood what I had no knowledge of, because of other peoples reaction to what I had done.

I feel stupid because my self value is based on knowing that I am bright..and if you make me feel stupid, it upsets my whole equilibrium, because the one thing I rely on has failed me.

If your self value is built on a strict moral code or similar, and somebody challenges you on it, (rightly or wrongly) you are going to feel hit for six.

I suppose the lesson if there is one, is to try and stop valuing the negative opinion of others, and learn instead to look to myself for what I know to be inherently right and wrong.

When all is said and done, I cannot legislate for others, I can make them do or think nothing. I am responisible only for my own thinking and actions.

Sorry - its sounds trite - its not meant to.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Guilt

I laugh about having an ‘overactive guilt gland’ but in reality it can be really hard to live with.


There is the family ‘bun story’ which is long and basically involves me (about age 10) confessing, sobbing, in the middle of the night about the bite of a bun I took 2 years earlier. My parents reacted with laughter and have since repeated that story over and over again.


There is the difficulty in stopping ‘people pleasing’. The guilt from saying ‘No’ far outweighs the pain of just keeping everyone happy.


Then there is today. I was given a small piece of information at work that was required for work my team had been engaged to do. I had a question related to that information so I emailed some people with my question and I included the information.


Literally one minute later I received an email in response to another I had sent saying that I was not allowed access to that piece of information and that my team was not to do the work.


I ‘recalled’ my email but it was read by some people.


Even though I was not told the information was confidential until after I had sent my email, even though the person who gave it to me did not know it was confidential, even though I know I would not have sent it had I known, I feel incredibly guilty.


And guilt makes me want to eat chocolate. (I am resisting the urge)


I really feel I need to deal with my feelings of guilt. It can’t be right to feel guilty about things that I know are out of my control.

2 comments:

cmoursler said...

you have a well developed conscience...that is a good thing. It seems alot of people have gotten rid of theirs...Don't eat chocolate.
lol.

Blue~ said...

I can put myself in your place, see it exactly as you see it too. I would feel 'stupid' for not having understood what I had no knowledge of, because of other peoples reaction to what I had done.

I feel stupid because my self value is based on knowing that I am bright..and if you make me feel stupid, it upsets my whole equilibrium, because the one thing I rely on has failed me.

If your self value is built on a strict moral code or similar, and somebody challenges you on it, (rightly or wrongly) you are going to feel hit for six.

I suppose the lesson if there is one, is to try and stop valuing the negative opinion of others, and learn instead to look to myself for what I know to be inherently right and wrong.

When all is said and done, I cannot legislate for others, I can make them do or think nothing. I am responisible only for my own thinking and actions.

Sorry - its sounds trite - its not meant to.