Word Pictures??

Today I really wanted to blog in pictures, but I do not have my camera with me.

So instead I will try to paint word pictures.  I am not very good at them as I tend to write without visual descriptors!

My train stopped just before the station I was planning to get off.  For quite a while. I possibly should have got off the station before and changed trains.  It gets me to work quicker, but I have less of a walk.  I was sitting in the train, it was not very crowded and I had 2 vastly different views out each side of the train.  To my right I had train tracks and overhead wires.  The backs of some office buildings.  Some trains in various states of age and condition.  To the left I had a grassy hill, some trees and the roof of a circus tent – complete with colourful flags.  Just behind the tent was a ferris wheel.  The sun was shining and the sky blue.  It was shining to the right as well, but sun on powerlines seemed harsh, on grass and a circus tent it seemed friendly and optimistic.

As I walked to work I passed 3 gorgeous churches.  These are old buildings by Melbourne standards (the city was founded in 1835) and quite beautiful.  Opposite one church is our controversial ‘Federation Square’.  It is ‘love it or hate it’ architecture.  It is modern and unique.  Lots of open spaces and lots of angles, levels, steps, and corners.  Personally I love it.

I also passed the Grand Hyatt Hotel which is recently refurbished and quite grand.  It has a drive through forecourt which is unusual in a city centre hotel.  They do a fabulous apple martini in the bar there J

I was surprised to pass an on duty security guard outside a nondescript building.  I glanced inside as I walked and noticed a scientology web address on a window and many people with security passes around their necks.  I wondered what was occurring, but being already late for work I keep on marching up the hill.

I turned the corner on to Collins St (and 2 of the churches).  This I think is one of our most beautiful city streets.  It is tree lined and wide.  Lots of the buildings are older, and the new ones are shiny.  It seems not much changed in the 60’s and 70’s so there are few concrete blocks!  The trees have mostly dropped their leaves and spread their arms towards the sun.  I passed exclusive shops mixed with the usual 7-11 and temporary bargain shops.  I looked in windows and wondered who has $1000s of dollars for beads that look remarkably similar to the cheap ones next door.

I looked into the 7-11 as I already finished the Sudoku on the train (‘very easy’ really is ‘very easy’) and need another paper.  It has none!  I wondered why so many people wanted the Age this Monday morning.  

Next stop was my office, it’s a pretty building with an atrium several floors high.  We are 1 level up so I look out into open space.  Behind me are windows through which we can watch grand final parades, protest marches, and occasional photo shoots at the tram stop below.

Tomorrow I will try to bring my camera, and you can compare my word pictures to real ones!

Friday!

Friday already?  Really?  Cool!

Ok, this week...

Work has been a weird combination of busy and dead quiet.  Phone calls while out at dinner tonight regarding urgent work when all day we had very little to do!

I have been struggling with doing something stress relieving every day, but I have at a minimum done something I enjoyed.

Food has been fine.  Happy to report my cravings for chocolate have diminished greatly!  I have really stopped thinking about food.  I eat when I am hungry.  And when I am not hungry it barely crosses my mind.

Still not doing my core work!  But I will get there too.  I have been walking a lot more.  Short distances to pander to my hip, but more frequent.

I really am sick of pretending I don’t mind my obesity.

I am ready to be slim.

And even more important – ready to put myself first in order to get there.  And stay there.

Monday

Today was busy at work.  Chaos busy.  But the day flew!

Tonight I used some more Christmas gift vouchers (the hot stone massage was a Christmas gift!) and booked a “Glass Slumping Workshop For Beginners”.  I don’t have a date yet, but as it is about 2 hours drive away will be a lovely day trip one Saturday soon.

I have not really done my stress relief today, so before bed I will be doing some meditation and stretching.

Life is good!

Sunday Updates

EXERCISE:

I have to separate exercise and weight loss in my head.  It has always been that way for me.

Exercise gives me many things:

• Stress relief
• Fitness
• Strength
• Health (eg lower blood pressure)

But let’s be honest, the amount I do is never going to burn significant calories.

The bonus for me is that I never have an urge to ‘rebel’ against exercise like I do healthy eating J

WATER:

I had a theory that my horrendous stomach spasms may be as simple as dehydration.  13 years of different theories (all proven wrong) had left me with no way of stopping them.  But... it seems to be working!  More water and my stomach settles.  I slept through the night and woke up spasm free!  Of course drinking more water has many benefits aside from being spasm free, but this is great incentive to drink plenty!

STRESS RELIEF:

Well Friday there was painting, and sleeping in, and the fabulous dinner at mums, and of course my hypnotherapy CD.

Saturday there was a 90 minute hot stone massage and a soak in the bath and some meditation/stretching (was meant to be just meditation but my cat was trying to join in and I kept giggling!)

Today so far there has been a walk of just over 2km to and around a small nature reserve near our house.  My first time there and it was lovely to walk through the bush.

My goal is to do at least one thing each day purely for stress relief.  Preferably two things, but one is ok as a start.  I will do some stretching later as that is the price for a nice walk J

LIFE:

Well my Dad and step Mum have sold their 100 acre farm and had an offer accepted on a house on 2.5 acres.  Their new house is much closer to where we live, and my step sister too.  Dad will find out in 2 weeks if the SIRT treatment for his cancer is an option.  To help them out and to say thanks for everything they do for us I am organising a working bee at the farm in a few weeks time.  They are both hoarders so there is a lot to clean up.  And so many people are really happy to have a way to do something for the two of them.

Our cat might also have cancer.  I am not coping well with anything cancer related given Dads situation.  And aside from that she is the most gorgeous cat.  I hope that the vet was mistaken.  If not then I may need to up the stress management!

Enough for today!

Hypnotherapy hyperactivity??

Not sure if this is a coincidence...  but after listening to my hypnotherapy CD today I felt so GOOD that I was hyperactive and crazy silly.  Was not sugar or food colouring this time!

It was marvellous.

Mum did my early birthday dinner.  4 courses of deliciousness!  Shall I share?  I feel full but not stuffed.

Risotto balls

Lamb shank with mint mash potato

Vanilla pannacotta with passionfruit

Chocolates and macaroons with tea/coffee

Several glasses of champagne.

I feel full just writing that down!

Today was lovely.

Slept til noon.  Seriously.

Then watched last nights episode of masterchef

Painted the painting for Ian (not a success) and the one for Eve's room (a success)

Listened to hypnotherapy CD

Went grocery shopping

Went for dinner (see above!)

Thought about how to make sure I do my core work.  The only thing that works is having the mat out where I can see it.  Ian hates it lying about, but will have to live with it I am afraid.

A great Friday :)

"That" Moment

Last night I had an incident that reminded me that being obese is not a comfortable situation.

Some of you may know that one of my biggest weight loss issues is that my weight does not bother me enough to encourage the changes I need to make.

Last night it did.

I sat in a seat on the train.  A middle seat.  My butt fit (my butt is not the biggest bit of me) but my torso did not.  I could not lean back.  So after about 20 secs, and surely fire engine red, I stood up again.  And a skinny guy took the seat while I stood up until an aisle seat became free.  

Last night my obesity caused me physical and emotional discomfort (standing on the train for 30 minutes is not comfortable at my weight after a day at work).

Tomorrow I have a day off.

I will be listening to my hypnotherapy CD.  

I will paint some pictures.

I will find time to work out a way to have me doing my floor/core work regularly so I can get back to my cardio.

I have lost 2kg in the past 10 weeks.  More luck than good management.  It is time to get serious.

I am 40 in 29 days.  I don’t mind getting older.  I have more pride in who I am now than I did 10 or even 5 years ago.  There thing I really want to change is my size.  There is a lot about me that is far from perfect, but I can embrace my faults when they do not cause harm to me or others.  My weight on the other hand is causing me harm.

The scary truth

Marlin:       I promised I’d never let anything happen to him (Nemo).
Dory:          Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise.
Marlin:       What?
Dory:          Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.

A little ‘Finding Nemo’ that was used to illustrate a point today on Craig Harpers blog.

The point being that getting out of your comfort zone is scary… but staying in it is worse.

I believe that I embrace change, but it turns out that part of me only applies when the change is easy to do.  Move house, move countries, change jobs, change my hair.  All easy changes I love to embrace. 

Get slim and fit?  Not so much.

Why?

Because it is hard work.  Because I have failed in the past and I hate failing.  It is hard to ‘fail’ at moving house.  It is much easier to ‘fail’ at weight loss.  Especially when you have ‘failed’ so many times before.

And what does this mean?

It means I have to be brutally honest with myself.

It means I can’t say ‘I am comfortable being obese’ as an excuse for staying that way.  That sentence is laughable, but I have taken to using it often and seriously.

I am not comfortable being obese.  I am just scared of failure.

Why am I scared of failure?

Well to be honest weight loss is all I have really tried and failed at.  I have been very lucky and academic success came my way fairly easily.  I have no hand eye coordination but rather than failing at ball sports I just didn’t try.   I was a failure at ‘relationships’ for a long time but then I found out why, fixed the issue and was able to move forward. Weight loss scares me because there is no way to avoid trying it even though I have failed at it in the past.  There is no ‘issue’ for me to fix to make the path forward easier.  

I just have to face my fears and move forward.