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"You can have the results you say you want, or you can have all the reasons in the world why you can’t have them. But you can’t have both. Reasons or results. You get to choose."


Susan Carlson

Monday, August 30, 2010

Motivation = $5.95

Yep.  Five dollars and 95 cents.


It got me a '21 days to change a habit' notepad from kikki-k.


Who knew that was all I needed to be motivated??


I love the little tick boxes and want to be on track so I can put in my ticks!


So simple yet so effective.


What motivates you?


(PS - yes the text in my second line is a link so you can see what I am talking about :p)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunday

Had a lovely day.


Went to the RSPCA to look for a new cat or dog.  Didn't have any luck today but we will keep looking.


Went to Dad's and helped clear out part of the milk shed (converted to a living area) and the 4th (last!) shipping container.  We will be back next Saturday to do some more.  


Came home and had a Nanna nap.


Then tonight I finally listened to my hypnotherapy CD!


That was followed by my floor work.


Had breakfast daily.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


On a totally separate note, I had an interesting occurrence last week.  I had run out of my ADD/ADHD meds and kept forgetting to collect then.  I probably went a week without them all up.  Then I took them again on Thursday and Friday morning and they made my hyperactive!  I have stopped taking them again until I see my GP (will need to make an appointment which means about 3 weeks wait).  It may be the dose has become too high for some reason.  I wonder if it is related at all to my atlas alignment?  Nothing else has changed as a result of that!  Oh well.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Today I am grateful:

  1. For my husband and his willingness to spend our weekends helping my Dad
  2. For my Dad and quality time spent with him
  3. For my Mum and her coming home from holiday in another week or so
  4. For my brother and his ability to make me laugh
  5. For my sister and her generosity
  6. For family, friends, love and laughter ♥

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Saturday Night....

And yes I am at home blogging!


Today was my glass slumping class which I really enjoyed!  I don't get the finished products until next week (18 hours in the kiln) but I really enjoyed the process and the things I learned.


And a few minutes ago I applied to be part of a makeover show!  LMAO.  I don't imagine I will be chosen, but there is no harm applying!


I know I say this all the time, but Gok Wan is one of my heroes.  His 'How to look good naked - with a difference' shows have had me in tears.  He seems to be such a wonderful person!  


Sadly it is not his makeover show I have applied for.


I got a new phone last night - I did all the sums (twice!) and we are actually saving money by changing our phones, pay tv, internet etc to a 'bundle'.  It is a HTC Desire and I am having fun with it so far!


That is all my news... how are you?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Just doing it

It is quite amazing how much simpler my life is when I do not over plan or over complicate.

There are things I love to do in life.

There are things I want to achieve.

Then there are the things I need to do to allow me to do and have the things I love.

These include: housework, working, eating breakfast and doing floor work three times a week.

None of these things are optional.

None of these things I enjoy.

All of these things I now do (well the housework and work have been part of my life quite some time now!).
My weekly schedule regarding household tasks (such as housework, grocery shopping, paperwork etc) kind of fell by the wayside.  It was simple but obviously didn’t work for us or we would have maintained it.  I think the issue is DH has random days where his work does not require him and I have random days where I work late without notice.  This combination meant so many ad hoc changes to the schedule that it became fairly irrelevant.  I would love to live a life with more routine for those basic tasks, but that is just not how my job works.

(a bullet point free blog!)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Reporting In

Floor work done tonight
No breakfast though as I seem to have picked up a tummy bug.
Pretty happy with my progress over the past week - all 3 sessions of floor work and 6 out of 7 breakfasts :)


7 days into the 28 required for a new habit.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Random Updates

The party was fine.  My wonderful DH gave me so many genuine compliments before I left that I felt gorgeous!  Once there it was much smaller than I imagined and I spent the evening with my school friends (and one of their daughters who is 15 and just delightful).


We had our election and 2 days later still don't have an outcome!


My team won the footy.


And Sunday was a lovely day helping dad and my step mum with more moving and sorting.  


I did my floor work again yesterday.


I have eaten breakfast daily.


I confess to not yet having listened to the hypnotherapy CD though.  Not sure why.  I am sure I will when I am ready.


Work is really stressful.  New offices are not nearly as nice as where we were.  Although the walk to and from the station is a handy 10 minutes.  We have too much work and not enough support.  I was a bit snappy today with the team, but I apologised to each of them individually and I think we are ok :)


I keep forgetting to get my concerta prescription from the pharmacy!  I probably need to get it and take some to help with the stress levels if nothing else.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Bonus Dose of Motivation

Tonight, soon, I am heading off to a 40th birthday party for a friend from high school.  There will be a few other high school friends, but it will be mostly people I don't know.


This is my nightmare combination.


Strangers, a party and my obesity.


Of course it is my obesity and the insecurity associated with it that makes this my nightmare.


I used to love parties and meeting strangers.


I am meant to be there in 30 minutes.  My hair is still wet, my face makeup free and I have no idea what to wear!


I let my DH off the hook as a couple of the other school friends will not have their husbands there and my DH hates meeting strangers even more than I do.


Motivation plus.


How much better would I be feeling right now if I was at or even closer to goal.


Immeasurably.


Self inflicted and now I must go dress and face my demons...


A party should NOT feel like such an ordeal!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Accountability:

I did my floor work tonight.  It was a short version due to my recent alignment, but right now it is the habit that is most important.

I ate breakfast today, a lovely banana smoothie.

I have not yet listened to my hypnotherapy CD.  I got home from work at nearly 10pm last night so will do it tonight instead.

Secrets of Success?

Based on lots of watching other people reach goal while I remain obese, I have noticed some common factors in many of these successes:
  • Honesty and accountability
  • A connection with some sort of support group
  • Following a plan without switching and changing randomly
  • Believing in that plan
  • An understanding that this journey is (approximately :p) 80% mental, 15% food and 5% sweat

Of course the National Weight Loss Registry has theories too:
“We have also started to learn about how the weight loss was accomplished:
    • 45% of registry participants lost the weight on their own and the other 55% lost weight with the help of some type of program.
    • 98% of Registry participants report that they modified their food intake in some way to lose weight.
    • 94% increased their physical activity, with the most frequently reported form of activity being walking.
There is variety in how NWCR members keep the weight off. Most report continuing to maintain a low calorie, low fat diet and doing high levels of activity.
    • 78% eat breakfast every day.
    • 75% weigh themselves at least once a week.
    • 62% watch less than 10 hours of TV per week.
    • 90% exercise, on average, about 1 hour per day.”

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Less planning, more action

I tend to procrastinate
I love to plan
Action I am not so good at!
So here is my planning (minimal and final) and the actions I will take starting today!

Lets keep it simple.  3 things I wish to do:
  1. Floor work 3 times per week
  2. Listen to hypno CD again to refocus on listening to my body and its food needs
  3. Eat breakfast

Why I wish to do them:
  • Floor work
    • Make me strong
    • Allow me to complete C25K once my hip is strong enough
  • Hunger Awareness
    • Allows me to eat what I truly want to eat when my body needs food
    • Helps me lose weight with zero feelings of effort or deprivation
  • Breakfast
    • I lose more weight when I have breakfast and also am much less grumpy

Real action requires dates and commitments:
  • New morning routine to incorporate breakfast (working backwards):
    • 7:30am Leave
    • 7:25am Dress
    • 7:10am Teeth and makeup
    • 6:55am Breakfast
    • 6:50am Hair
    • 6:45am get up
  • Existing evening routine includes shower and getting out clothes and accessories for following day
  • Tuesday, Thursday and either Saturday or Sunday: Floor work
  • Tonight I will listen to my hypnotherapy CD

Wants and needs



What I want:
  • To be slim
  • To be a runner
  • To work 3 days a week
  • To not have money stress
  • To have a holiday every year
  • To have a cleaner

What I need:
  • To be healthy

What I want to do:
  • Paint
  • Be a teacher
  • Walk on the beach

What I need to do:
  • Core work 3 times per week
  • Focus on hunger and eat only when hungry
  • Work 5 days per week in IT or decide to significantly downsize our mortgage
These lists were off the top of my head and I resisted the urge to go back and update and synchronise.  It interests me that the different questions prompted different answers.  
This was not how this blog was going to be...  it was going to be a list of health goals and actions...  guess I need a second blog now!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tuesday Randomness

We had a close call with our poor cat this morning.
To set the scene:
My cat loves to come out to the garage with me in the morning and run into the front yard when I open the garage door.  This is despite her having often just been outside. 
The garage door has started playing up and often opens only a few inches before it stops.  Sometimes if you close and open it again it works.  Other times you need to switch off the power to the door and reset it.
Today both these things happened.
The difference is that the cat was impatient to get out and DH was at the door control with his car blocking the view of the bottom of the door. 
And the cat tried to squeeze under the door as DH lowered it to try again.  The safety switch kicked in as the door hit the cat, but she was trapped with her head one side and body the other.  The door would not raise or lower as the safety switch was activated.  Actually that was lucky as DH not being able to see the cat may have tried to lower further.  As it was we managed (well DH) to raise the door enough for the cat to escape, unharmed.  (Yes, logic says pull the release cord, but logic is far away when something like this happens!).  When the cat returned (after 5 minutes of pure stress as we had not got a chance to see if she was harmed before she ran off) we were so relieved to see she was unharmed if a little shaken. 
Anyway.  The cat is fine.  I am trying to keep busy so the image of the poor cat trapped beneath the door does not linger.  And trying to get that ‘can’t get you out of my head’ song lyric to go away too!

I was let down by my friend on Sunday.  She wanted a girl’s afternoon of watching footy at my place with friends of hers that follow our team… we arranged it for Sunday and then she cancelled Sunday morning (as the other guests were her friends they also cancelled).  She had an excuse, probably valid, but she cancels often and I keep letting it hurt me.  It makes me more motivated to make new friends.  And on Monday I had lunch with a new friend.   Not to replace this friend who has been in my life nearly 30 years and is very special to me, but to allow me to rely less on her.

Weight loss is plodding along.  Seem to be eating less chocolate.  Still not doing floor/core work.  Totally because I am not making any effort to do it!  I must get motivated as I really truly honestly want to run!

We are considering getting a puppy…  I think it will be better for the cat than a grown dog… but rescue centres rarely have puppies… we can’t afford or really want a pure breed… and I hate the idea of buying from a pet store and possibly encouraging puppy farming… and also our recent 5 day dog experience has made me a bit wary… so we will see how it goes… not rushing into it.  After all it took 2 years to decide I really wanted a dog in the first place… and now I have doubts again!  Doggy smell in the house… poop scooping…  dug up gardens and chewed up shoes…  dog hair in the house…  all up against daily walks, love, fun, smiles, meeting people through obedience classes etc etc…  more good than bad…  but is the bad more than I am willing to live with??

I have a few busy weekends coming up.  Saturday includes voting in our federal election (voting at all levels of government from local to federal is mandatory in Australia FYI), footy and a surprise 40th party.  Sunday will be at Dad’s helping out with decluttering and emptying storage containers.  DH wants to see a movie in there somewhere too.  Next weekend is my glass slumping class although I think Sunday is free.  After that weekends will be kept free in September until I know if and when my footy team is playing as the finals will start and they do not do each week’s fixture until the previous weeks games are completed.  Spare days will be spent at Dad’s as they move from 100 acres to 2.5 in early October.  Lots of stuff to clear out before then!!  Can’t wait til they live 4km away instead of 30 minutes though!

Wow, it seems I had a lot to say.  If you are still reading here is my grateful list:
  • My cat is unharmed
  • I am married to a wonderful man who makes me laugh and gives me goosebumps when he kisses me
  • I am employed and live in a lovely house
  • It is tax return season so soon we will have an increased mortgage buffer
  • I am making new friends

Friday, August 13, 2010

Atlas Alignment Update

The treatment was fine, not what I expected at all (much less aggressive I guess).

Now I am waiting.  It can take days or weeks for anything to change.  If anything does.

So I am on what I have been calling 'random affliction improvement watch'.

I have been making a joke of it cos really I am just doing random mental checks of my body to see if anything has changed yet...  it's been 72 hours and no changes yet!  I really hope I have not just paid that money for nothing...  but there are no guarantees that anything will improve.  

I go back in 3 weeks for a check up.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Chinese - Capital Children's Choir

I am not very musical.  I have no tone or rhythm.  And I often sit at home in silence rather than play music.
But some songs are just beautiful.
This is one of my favourites.
I hope you enjoy it.


Monday, August 9, 2010

Me things

Me thing #1
Did I mention how wonderful it was to have a husband who supports me in being me?  Yesterday I mentioned that I wanted to decorate the top of one of our wooden trestle tables to use in my exercise/painting room.  These currently cannot be used without a table cloth as I painted them in white ‘milk’ paint some years ago and everything both sticks to and marks the surface.

My ideas were:
  1. Cover the top in photos and pictures and then a sheet of Perspex
  2. Wallpaper the top
  3. Cover the top in photos and pictures and lacquer


Well it seems that a Perspex sheet will set me back about $100.
It also seems that wallpaper shops are in short supply where I live.
So I am now the proud owner of a can of water based lacquer and some new brushes.  And lots of pictures cut out of my magazine collection.

And this all came about because my ever so supportive husband happily went from shop to shop yesterday with me to gather the information and finally the lacquer.  Proudly calling me ‘his artistic wife’ to various shop assistants.  With accompanying husbandly eye rolls of course. 

When I told him how wonderful it was to be so fully supported in just being me he became even prouder. 

Today at lunch I am going to hunt down more sources of paper, brochures etc to use to decorate my table top.  I have decided against photos as they already cover one wall of my ‘Fiona Room’.  I plan to get many many bits so that I can lay it all out and choose the ones that appeal the most.  Lacquering them on will mean I will be stuck with my creation for some time!


Me thing #2
I am booked in to have a treatment (Tuesday 6pm) with to have my upper cervical spine aligned.  This is based on a recommendation from my GP who has also had this done.  If even a few of the things that is may fix are fixed I should feel much better!  Some of her patients have had lowered blood pressure, reduced ADHD symptoms, reduced back and joint pain…  any of those would be great!  It is not cheap.  So I am really hoping it works for at least one or two things.  Then again, cheap is relative.  Much cheaper than our dog who we no longer have.

Me thing #3
I have lost the weight gain the scales showed last week.  1kg (2lb) in 2 days.  Shows you that scale numbers are very arbitrary!  Cos I did not make any changes that I noticed.  I really do love this way of eating.  And losing.  Last night I also did a lot of stretches.   I got the mat out from my wardrobe and put it in the lounge.  It is ugly and messy but when it is out I use it!  It is something I need to do for me.

Grateful List
Today I am grateful for many things:
  • Getting in touch with my creative side
  • My husband
  • My family and friends
  • My boss and colleagues
  • Our cat who makes me laugh so often

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Random Updates

I was thinking about the joy of unconditional acceptance.  And how it made it easier to both be and accept myself.

And how family acceptance is wonderful but just not the same as a complete stranger falling in love with the authentic, unadulterated, warts ‘n’ all me.
About how being able to be comfortable being 100% me around someone enables me to enjoy being me.  And also enables me to be 100% me around others.  And enjoy it.

And I was going to write a long blog about it.

Then I got bogged down in stuff about how I was possessive and insecure in my relationships and struggled to let new people into my life.  And that was boring and depressing and the past.  So I deleted it.

Then I got distracted by telling one of the guys on my team about how I got a new game for my DS last night and was so excited and raced to play it…  only to discover it was a game I already had that had been renamed :(.  He laughed which made me feel good.  So I told a couple more people.  Of course when I told them it was longer and funnier.  I promise.

Then I had breakfast.  A gluten free toasted sandwich with chicken, tomato and cheese accompanied by a skinny hot chocolate. 

I feel all warm inside now.

I enjoy making people smile.   I enjoy warm food on a cold winters morning. 
 
It has been a long time since I wrote a grateful list.  I have a lot to be grateful for.  But the first 5 that come to me are:
  1. My husband
  2. My family
  3. My friends
  4. Self acceptance
  5. Gainful employment

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Wheel of Life

Wheel of Life
A topic I come back to a lot.

Today I was feeling flat so utilised the wheel of life template to remind myself how good life actually was.  And it is really good.

I scored my life 7 or above for Career, Friends & Family, Significant Other, Personal Growth, Fun & Recreation and Physical Environment.

My wheel of life has 2 areas with a score lower than 7 (5 years ago this was usually the opposite; I rarely had more than one or two areas above 7!).  And luckily for me both of these areas are within my control.  Probably way too much detail for my blog, but it feels helpful to me to write it all down.

Money
The lowest score for me is my ‘money’ sector.  This is self inflicted and can be fixed by me too.  I earn good money, but I am not good at saving.  I also have high expectations of myself and how much I save and invest.  But I have very clear goals to get to a point where money stops causing me stress.   

Where I am at:
  • We have a mortgage that takes up 50% of my monthly net pay.  DH could not pay the mortgage if I was out of work.  Income protection insurance (which I do have) only kicks in if you are physically unable to work.
  • I have an over draft, a personal loan and a car loan
  • I have little job security and no savings
  • We have not had a proper holiday in nearly 2 years
  • We have a long list of thing we want to do to make our house a home


The choices that got me here:
  • I am a contractor so I do not get paid if I am not at work, and I do not have a lot of job security (who does these days!).   I base my budget on working 40 weeks per year to compensate for these two facts.
  •  I do get paid more as a contractor but I have let my expenses get to the stage where I need my contracting rates to cover expenses.
  • I borrowed money to make improvements to my previous house three years ago and the loan is still being paid off
  • I took out a car loan 2 years ago to buy a new car instead of buying something older
  • My DH was out of work for quite a while and even now is only ‘casual’ so does not have a steady income.  I continued to assume he would get a job ‘any day’ for a year.  I should have started battening down the hatches and saving money instead.
  • We moved to a lovely house last year and that came with a bigger mortgage.
  • I chose to spend money on some new furniture when we moved in instead of creating a bigger mortgage buffer
  • I chose to take time off over Christmas with the associated lower pay packets

What I am doing to fix it:
  • I made a budget based on my income alone and do my best to stick to it.  DH’s earnings are a bonus rather than a necessity and can go towards our mortgage.
  • We plan to put our tax returns towards my over draft and to boost our mortgage “buffer”.  My goal is to have 3 months income on the mortgage (or 6 months mortgage repayments) plus airfares to the UK in case of emergency (such as DH’s Mum getting ill.  She is 75).  To reach this goal may also require next years tax returns.  But reach it we will and feel a lot more comfortable for it.
  • I pay approximately 20% extra off the mortgage each month to contribute to the buffer.  This was 30% before interest rates went up!
  • I pay extra off my personal loan each month (approximately 300% extra)
  • I pay the minimum off my car loan as this has early pay out penalties.  Once the personal loan is paid out then that money will switch to the car loan and pay it out early but not so early we get penalties.

Health
Health is the other area I score below 7 in.  Again this is in my control.

The things that bother me are:
  • My weight
  • My hip
  • My blood pressure

The fixes for these are interrelated:
  • My weight is improving through my mindful eating.
    • My improving weight will improve my hip and my blood pressure
  • My hip requires core work and stretching.  I need to really work on this. 
    • Improving my hip will enable me to exercise more which in turn will help with my weight and my blood pressure
  • My blood pressure is well controlled with medication but I also plan to have a treatment strongly recommended by my doctor relating to correcting a misalignment of my upper cervical spine.  This she believes will also help my blood pressure.  The therapist who she recommends is on leave until Monday so I cannot yet make an appointment.

So there we have it.  Life is great and the things that need improving are within my control.
So why do I still feel flat?

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sunday already!

Quick update cos I need to head to bed.


Had a lovely weekend of birthday celebrations.  Been fabulous catching up with family and friends.


Food wasn't bad until today - afternoon tea at the Windsor Hotel in Melbourne!  But I did not eat past 'satisfied' and I left much on my plate.  Still ate more than I needed though.


Will try to find time to write a decent blog this week!


I have read some blogs but not commented, too busy.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Motivation = $5.95

Yep.  Five dollars and 95 cents.


It got me a '21 days to change a habit' notepad from kikki-k.


Who knew that was all I needed to be motivated??


I love the little tick boxes and want to be on track so I can put in my ticks!


So simple yet so effective.


What motivates you?


(PS - yes the text in my second line is a link so you can see what I am talking about :p)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunday

Had a lovely day.


Went to the RSPCA to look for a new cat or dog.  Didn't have any luck today but we will keep looking.


Went to Dad's and helped clear out part of the milk shed (converted to a living area) and the 4th (last!) shipping container.  We will be back next Saturday to do some more.  


Came home and had a Nanna nap.


Then tonight I finally listened to my hypnotherapy CD!


That was followed by my floor work.


Had breakfast daily.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


On a totally separate note, I had an interesting occurrence last week.  I had run out of my ADD/ADHD meds and kept forgetting to collect then.  I probably went a week without them all up.  Then I took them again on Thursday and Friday morning and they made my hyperactive!  I have stopped taking them again until I see my GP (will need to make an appointment which means about 3 weeks wait).  It may be the dose has become too high for some reason.  I wonder if it is related at all to my atlas alignment?  Nothing else has changed as a result of that!  Oh well.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Today I am grateful:

  1. For my husband and his willingness to spend our weekends helping my Dad
  2. For my Dad and quality time spent with him
  3. For my Mum and her coming home from holiday in another week or so
  4. For my brother and his ability to make me laugh
  5. For my sister and her generosity
  6. For family, friends, love and laughter ♥

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Saturday Night....

And yes I am at home blogging!


Today was my glass slumping class which I really enjoyed!  I don't get the finished products until next week (18 hours in the kiln) but I really enjoyed the process and the things I learned.


And a few minutes ago I applied to be part of a makeover show!  LMAO.  I don't imagine I will be chosen, but there is no harm applying!


I know I say this all the time, but Gok Wan is one of my heroes.  His 'How to look good naked - with a difference' shows have had me in tears.  He seems to be such a wonderful person!  


Sadly it is not his makeover show I have applied for.


I got a new phone last night - I did all the sums (twice!) and we are actually saving money by changing our phones, pay tv, internet etc to a 'bundle'.  It is a HTC Desire and I am having fun with it so far!


That is all my news... how are you?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Just doing it

It is quite amazing how much simpler my life is when I do not over plan or over complicate.

There are things I love to do in life.

There are things I want to achieve.

Then there are the things I need to do to allow me to do and have the things I love.

These include: housework, working, eating breakfast and doing floor work three times a week.

None of these things are optional.

None of these things I enjoy.

All of these things I now do (well the housework and work have been part of my life quite some time now!).
My weekly schedule regarding household tasks (such as housework, grocery shopping, paperwork etc) kind of fell by the wayside.  It was simple but obviously didn’t work for us or we would have maintained it.  I think the issue is DH has random days where his work does not require him and I have random days where I work late without notice.  This combination meant so many ad hoc changes to the schedule that it became fairly irrelevant.  I would love to live a life with more routine for those basic tasks, but that is just not how my job works.

(a bullet point free blog!)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Reporting In

Floor work done tonight
No breakfast though as I seem to have picked up a tummy bug.
Pretty happy with my progress over the past week - all 3 sessions of floor work and 6 out of 7 breakfasts :)


7 days into the 28 required for a new habit.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Random Updates

The party was fine.  My wonderful DH gave me so many genuine compliments before I left that I felt gorgeous!  Once there it was much smaller than I imagined and I spent the evening with my school friends (and one of their daughters who is 15 and just delightful).


We had our election and 2 days later still don't have an outcome!


My team won the footy.


And Sunday was a lovely day helping dad and my step mum with more moving and sorting.  


I did my floor work again yesterday.


I have eaten breakfast daily.


I confess to not yet having listened to the hypnotherapy CD though.  Not sure why.  I am sure I will when I am ready.


Work is really stressful.  New offices are not nearly as nice as where we were.  Although the walk to and from the station is a handy 10 minutes.  We have too much work and not enough support.  I was a bit snappy today with the team, but I apologised to each of them individually and I think we are ok :)


I keep forgetting to get my concerta prescription from the pharmacy!  I probably need to get it and take some to help with the stress levels if nothing else.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Bonus Dose of Motivation

Tonight, soon, I am heading off to a 40th birthday party for a friend from high school.  There will be a few other high school friends, but it will be mostly people I don't know.


This is my nightmare combination.


Strangers, a party and my obesity.


Of course it is my obesity and the insecurity associated with it that makes this my nightmare.


I used to love parties and meeting strangers.


I am meant to be there in 30 minutes.  My hair is still wet, my face makeup free and I have no idea what to wear!


I let my DH off the hook as a couple of the other school friends will not have their husbands there and my DH hates meeting strangers even more than I do.


Motivation plus.


How much better would I be feeling right now if I was at or even closer to goal.


Immeasurably.


Self inflicted and now I must go dress and face my demons...


A party should NOT feel like such an ordeal!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Accountability:

I did my floor work tonight.  It was a short version due to my recent alignment, but right now it is the habit that is most important.

I ate breakfast today, a lovely banana smoothie.

I have not yet listened to my hypnotherapy CD.  I got home from work at nearly 10pm last night so will do it tonight instead.

Secrets of Success?

Based on lots of watching other people reach goal while I remain obese, I have noticed some common factors in many of these successes:
  • Honesty and accountability
  • A connection with some sort of support group
  • Following a plan without switching and changing randomly
  • Believing in that plan
  • An understanding that this journey is (approximately :p) 80% mental, 15% food and 5% sweat

Of course the National Weight Loss Registry has theories too:
“We have also started to learn about how the weight loss was accomplished:
    • 45% of registry participants lost the weight on their own and the other 55% lost weight with the help of some type of program.
    • 98% of Registry participants report that they modified their food intake in some way to lose weight.
    • 94% increased their physical activity, with the most frequently reported form of activity being walking.
There is variety in how NWCR members keep the weight off. Most report continuing to maintain a low calorie, low fat diet and doing high levels of activity.
    • 78% eat breakfast every day.
    • 75% weigh themselves at least once a week.
    • 62% watch less than 10 hours of TV per week.
    • 90% exercise, on average, about 1 hour per day.”

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Less planning, more action

I tend to procrastinate
I love to plan
Action I am not so good at!
So here is my planning (minimal and final) and the actions I will take starting today!

Lets keep it simple.  3 things I wish to do:
  1. Floor work 3 times per week
  2. Listen to hypno CD again to refocus on listening to my body and its food needs
  3. Eat breakfast

Why I wish to do them:
  • Floor work
    • Make me strong
    • Allow me to complete C25K once my hip is strong enough
  • Hunger Awareness
    • Allows me to eat what I truly want to eat when my body needs food
    • Helps me lose weight with zero feelings of effort or deprivation
  • Breakfast
    • I lose more weight when I have breakfast and also am much less grumpy

Real action requires dates and commitments:
  • New morning routine to incorporate breakfast (working backwards):
    • 7:30am Leave
    • 7:25am Dress
    • 7:10am Teeth and makeup
    • 6:55am Breakfast
    • 6:50am Hair
    • 6:45am get up
  • Existing evening routine includes shower and getting out clothes and accessories for following day
  • Tuesday, Thursday and either Saturday or Sunday: Floor work
  • Tonight I will listen to my hypnotherapy CD

Wants and needs



What I want:
  • To be slim
  • To be a runner
  • To work 3 days a week
  • To not have money stress
  • To have a holiday every year
  • To have a cleaner

What I need:
  • To be healthy

What I want to do:
  • Paint
  • Be a teacher
  • Walk on the beach

What I need to do:
  • Core work 3 times per week
  • Focus on hunger and eat only when hungry
  • Work 5 days per week in IT or decide to significantly downsize our mortgage
These lists were off the top of my head and I resisted the urge to go back and update and synchronise.  It interests me that the different questions prompted different answers.  
This was not how this blog was going to be...  it was going to be a list of health goals and actions...  guess I need a second blog now!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tuesday Randomness

We had a close call with our poor cat this morning.
To set the scene:
My cat loves to come out to the garage with me in the morning and run into the front yard when I open the garage door.  This is despite her having often just been outside. 
The garage door has started playing up and often opens only a few inches before it stops.  Sometimes if you close and open it again it works.  Other times you need to switch off the power to the door and reset it.
Today both these things happened.
The difference is that the cat was impatient to get out and DH was at the door control with his car blocking the view of the bottom of the door. 
And the cat tried to squeeze under the door as DH lowered it to try again.  The safety switch kicked in as the door hit the cat, but she was trapped with her head one side and body the other.  The door would not raise or lower as the safety switch was activated.  Actually that was lucky as DH not being able to see the cat may have tried to lower further.  As it was we managed (well DH) to raise the door enough for the cat to escape, unharmed.  (Yes, logic says pull the release cord, but logic is far away when something like this happens!).  When the cat returned (after 5 minutes of pure stress as we had not got a chance to see if she was harmed before she ran off) we were so relieved to see she was unharmed if a little shaken. 
Anyway.  The cat is fine.  I am trying to keep busy so the image of the poor cat trapped beneath the door does not linger.  And trying to get that ‘can’t get you out of my head’ song lyric to go away too!

I was let down by my friend on Sunday.  She wanted a girl’s afternoon of watching footy at my place with friends of hers that follow our team… we arranged it for Sunday and then she cancelled Sunday morning (as the other guests were her friends they also cancelled).  She had an excuse, probably valid, but she cancels often and I keep letting it hurt me.  It makes me more motivated to make new friends.  And on Monday I had lunch with a new friend.   Not to replace this friend who has been in my life nearly 30 years and is very special to me, but to allow me to rely less on her.

Weight loss is plodding along.  Seem to be eating less chocolate.  Still not doing floor/core work.  Totally because I am not making any effort to do it!  I must get motivated as I really truly honestly want to run!

We are considering getting a puppy…  I think it will be better for the cat than a grown dog… but rescue centres rarely have puppies… we can’t afford or really want a pure breed… and I hate the idea of buying from a pet store and possibly encouraging puppy farming… and also our recent 5 day dog experience has made me a bit wary… so we will see how it goes… not rushing into it.  After all it took 2 years to decide I really wanted a dog in the first place… and now I have doubts again!  Doggy smell in the house… poop scooping…  dug up gardens and chewed up shoes…  dog hair in the house…  all up against daily walks, love, fun, smiles, meeting people through obedience classes etc etc…  more good than bad…  but is the bad more than I am willing to live with??

I have a few busy weekends coming up.  Saturday includes voting in our federal election (voting at all levels of government from local to federal is mandatory in Australia FYI), footy and a surprise 40th party.  Sunday will be at Dad’s helping out with decluttering and emptying storage containers.  DH wants to see a movie in there somewhere too.  Next weekend is my glass slumping class although I think Sunday is free.  After that weekends will be kept free in September until I know if and when my footy team is playing as the finals will start and they do not do each week’s fixture until the previous weeks games are completed.  Spare days will be spent at Dad’s as they move from 100 acres to 2.5 in early October.  Lots of stuff to clear out before then!!  Can’t wait til they live 4km away instead of 30 minutes though!

Wow, it seems I had a lot to say.  If you are still reading here is my grateful list:
  • My cat is unharmed
  • I am married to a wonderful man who makes me laugh and gives me goosebumps when he kisses me
  • I am employed and live in a lovely house
  • It is tax return season so soon we will have an increased mortgage buffer
  • I am making new friends

Friday, August 13, 2010

Atlas Alignment Update

The treatment was fine, not what I expected at all (much less aggressive I guess).

Now I am waiting.  It can take days or weeks for anything to change.  If anything does.

So I am on what I have been calling 'random affliction improvement watch'.

I have been making a joke of it cos really I am just doing random mental checks of my body to see if anything has changed yet...  it's been 72 hours and no changes yet!  I really hope I have not just paid that money for nothing...  but there are no guarantees that anything will improve.  

I go back in 3 weeks for a check up.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Chinese - Capital Children's Choir

I am not very musical.  I have no tone or rhythm.  And I often sit at home in silence rather than play music.
But some songs are just beautiful.
This is one of my favourites.
I hope you enjoy it.


Monday, August 9, 2010

Me things

Me thing #1
Did I mention how wonderful it was to have a husband who supports me in being me?  Yesterday I mentioned that I wanted to decorate the top of one of our wooden trestle tables to use in my exercise/painting room.  These currently cannot be used without a table cloth as I painted them in white ‘milk’ paint some years ago and everything both sticks to and marks the surface.

My ideas were:
  1. Cover the top in photos and pictures and then a sheet of Perspex
  2. Wallpaper the top
  3. Cover the top in photos and pictures and lacquer


Well it seems that a Perspex sheet will set me back about $100.
It also seems that wallpaper shops are in short supply where I live.
So I am now the proud owner of a can of water based lacquer and some new brushes.  And lots of pictures cut out of my magazine collection.

And this all came about because my ever so supportive husband happily went from shop to shop yesterday with me to gather the information and finally the lacquer.  Proudly calling me ‘his artistic wife’ to various shop assistants.  With accompanying husbandly eye rolls of course. 

When I told him how wonderful it was to be so fully supported in just being me he became even prouder. 

Today at lunch I am going to hunt down more sources of paper, brochures etc to use to decorate my table top.  I have decided against photos as they already cover one wall of my ‘Fiona Room’.  I plan to get many many bits so that I can lay it all out and choose the ones that appeal the most.  Lacquering them on will mean I will be stuck with my creation for some time!


Me thing #2
I am booked in to have a treatment (Tuesday 6pm) with to have my upper cervical spine aligned.  This is based on a recommendation from my GP who has also had this done.  If even a few of the things that is may fix are fixed I should feel much better!  Some of her patients have had lowered blood pressure, reduced ADHD symptoms, reduced back and joint pain…  any of those would be great!  It is not cheap.  So I am really hoping it works for at least one or two things.  Then again, cheap is relative.  Much cheaper than our dog who we no longer have.

Me thing #3
I have lost the weight gain the scales showed last week.  1kg (2lb) in 2 days.  Shows you that scale numbers are very arbitrary!  Cos I did not make any changes that I noticed.  I really do love this way of eating.  And losing.  Last night I also did a lot of stretches.   I got the mat out from my wardrobe and put it in the lounge.  It is ugly and messy but when it is out I use it!  It is something I need to do for me.

Grateful List
Today I am grateful for many things:
  • Getting in touch with my creative side
  • My husband
  • My family and friends
  • My boss and colleagues
  • Our cat who makes me laugh so often

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Random Updates

I was thinking about the joy of unconditional acceptance.  And how it made it easier to both be and accept myself.

And how family acceptance is wonderful but just not the same as a complete stranger falling in love with the authentic, unadulterated, warts ‘n’ all me.
About how being able to be comfortable being 100% me around someone enables me to enjoy being me.  And also enables me to be 100% me around others.  And enjoy it.

And I was going to write a long blog about it.

Then I got bogged down in stuff about how I was possessive and insecure in my relationships and struggled to let new people into my life.  And that was boring and depressing and the past.  So I deleted it.

Then I got distracted by telling one of the guys on my team about how I got a new game for my DS last night and was so excited and raced to play it…  only to discover it was a game I already had that had been renamed :(.  He laughed which made me feel good.  So I told a couple more people.  Of course when I told them it was longer and funnier.  I promise.

Then I had breakfast.  A gluten free toasted sandwich with chicken, tomato and cheese accompanied by a skinny hot chocolate. 

I feel all warm inside now.

I enjoy making people smile.   I enjoy warm food on a cold winters morning. 
 
It has been a long time since I wrote a grateful list.  I have a lot to be grateful for.  But the first 5 that come to me are:
  1. My husband
  2. My family
  3. My friends
  4. Self acceptance
  5. Gainful employment

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Wheel of Life

Wheel of Life
A topic I come back to a lot.

Today I was feeling flat so utilised the wheel of life template to remind myself how good life actually was.  And it is really good.

I scored my life 7 or above for Career, Friends & Family, Significant Other, Personal Growth, Fun & Recreation and Physical Environment.

My wheel of life has 2 areas with a score lower than 7 (5 years ago this was usually the opposite; I rarely had more than one or two areas above 7!).  And luckily for me both of these areas are within my control.  Probably way too much detail for my blog, but it feels helpful to me to write it all down.

Money
The lowest score for me is my ‘money’ sector.  This is self inflicted and can be fixed by me too.  I earn good money, but I am not good at saving.  I also have high expectations of myself and how much I save and invest.  But I have very clear goals to get to a point where money stops causing me stress.   

Where I am at:
  • We have a mortgage that takes up 50% of my monthly net pay.  DH could not pay the mortgage if I was out of work.  Income protection insurance (which I do have) only kicks in if you are physically unable to work.
  • I have an over draft, a personal loan and a car loan
  • I have little job security and no savings
  • We have not had a proper holiday in nearly 2 years
  • We have a long list of thing we want to do to make our house a home


The choices that got me here:
  • I am a contractor so I do not get paid if I am not at work, and I do not have a lot of job security (who does these days!).   I base my budget on working 40 weeks per year to compensate for these two facts.
  •  I do get paid more as a contractor but I have let my expenses get to the stage where I need my contracting rates to cover expenses.
  • I borrowed money to make improvements to my previous house three years ago and the loan is still being paid off
  • I took out a car loan 2 years ago to buy a new car instead of buying something older
  • My DH was out of work for quite a while and even now is only ‘casual’ so does not have a steady income.  I continued to assume he would get a job ‘any day’ for a year.  I should have started battening down the hatches and saving money instead.
  • We moved to a lovely house last year and that came with a bigger mortgage.
  • I chose to spend money on some new furniture when we moved in instead of creating a bigger mortgage buffer
  • I chose to take time off over Christmas with the associated lower pay packets

What I am doing to fix it:
  • I made a budget based on my income alone and do my best to stick to it.  DH’s earnings are a bonus rather than a necessity and can go towards our mortgage.
  • We plan to put our tax returns towards my over draft and to boost our mortgage “buffer”.  My goal is to have 3 months income on the mortgage (or 6 months mortgage repayments) plus airfares to the UK in case of emergency (such as DH’s Mum getting ill.  She is 75).  To reach this goal may also require next years tax returns.  But reach it we will and feel a lot more comfortable for it.
  • I pay approximately 20% extra off the mortgage each month to contribute to the buffer.  This was 30% before interest rates went up!
  • I pay extra off my personal loan each month (approximately 300% extra)
  • I pay the minimum off my car loan as this has early pay out penalties.  Once the personal loan is paid out then that money will switch to the car loan and pay it out early but not so early we get penalties.

Health
Health is the other area I score below 7 in.  Again this is in my control.

The things that bother me are:
  • My weight
  • My hip
  • My blood pressure

The fixes for these are interrelated:
  • My weight is improving through my mindful eating.
    • My improving weight will improve my hip and my blood pressure
  • My hip requires core work and stretching.  I need to really work on this. 
    • Improving my hip will enable me to exercise more which in turn will help with my weight and my blood pressure
  • My blood pressure is well controlled with medication but I also plan to have a treatment strongly recommended by my doctor relating to correcting a misalignment of my upper cervical spine.  This she believes will also help my blood pressure.  The therapist who she recommends is on leave until Monday so I cannot yet make an appointment.

So there we have it.  Life is great and the things that need improving are within my control.
So why do I still feel flat?

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sunday already!

Quick update cos I need to head to bed.


Had a lovely weekend of birthday celebrations.  Been fabulous catching up with family and friends.


Food wasn't bad until today - afternoon tea at the Windsor Hotel in Melbourne!  But I did not eat past 'satisfied' and I left much on my plate.  Still ate more than I needed though.


Will try to find time to write a decent blog this week!


I have read some blogs but not commented, too busy.